When Dale is ridiculed by the Arlen Gun Club for accidentally misfiring a weapon, his friends must come up with a plan to help restore Dale's self-esteem.
Peggy accidentally brings a Mexican girl into the country after a Spanish class field trip to Mexico. When she tries to bring her back, she is arrested for kidnapping.
After spending some depressing time with Bill on Valentine's Day, Bobby starts to fear he'll end up alone. He turns his desperation towards Connie until Hank steps in and asks Boomhauer to teach Bobby how to 'pitch woo'.
The Olympic torch is passing through Arlen on its way to Salt Lake City, so Peggy nominates Bobby to carry the torch. He loses to Hank, whom his friends nominated behind his back.
When Dale convinces Bill that the government used him as a guinea pig for an experimental drug with disastrous results, Bill steals a tank from the army base.
When Dale realizes that he did not have sex with Nancy anywhere near the time Joseph was conceived, he becomes convinced that a space alien is his son's real father.
Peggy becomes a customer service representative for Alamo Beer, Hank's favorite brand. She is sworn to secrecy about the reason for the beer's sudden unavailability in the area.
