Episode list

Brian is back from his summer-abroad program in Italy; while there he met a girl named Monica and he says he's fallen in love with her. Bill and Judy try to tell Brian that long-distance relationships don't work and that he should meet a girl here. Brian finds out that Monica can come to Chicago and asks his parents for the money to fly her in. When they say they can't afford that, he says he'll used the money he would have used for homecoming, and Bill repeats that Brian should meet a Chicago gal. Brian says that he lost his virginity to Monica and that it was something special. She also says he was her first time. Bill is pleased that this happened and he agrees that they should spend the money to get her here. Judy, still opposed to this, ends up agreeing to it when Bill tells her what happened and they both agree that they should wire her the money. While Bill and Brian hang out at a cigar bar, Bill finds out from Noom that Monica is a scam artist: his son Jeremy lost his virginity to her and Bill starts hearing the same exact story Brian told him. Noom said Jeremy wired the money to her so she could see him; in the end he was out $600 and she broke his son's heart. When Judy looked into it through the program's coordinator, she found out that in Italy, Monica is a local girl who likes to prey on rich-looking American guys. Bill thinks they should tell Brian the truth, but Judy is opposed to it because it will ruin his memories of his first time, which could screw up his outlook on women. In the end, Bill decides how to handle the situation. Meanwhile, Perry is back in town and while he and Linda are making love, Perry suffers a concussion when he hits his head on the headboard, many times, and is unable to travel back to Reno until the concussion clears up. When Perry is doing better, Linda keeps giving him more concussions so he cannot leave.

The Millers' neighbors, Terry and Shelly, have a favor to ask: The cable guy is coming while they are away and they need someone to let him in, so they give Bill and Judy the keys to their house. However, when they return and ask for the key back, they suspect Bill of using their shower and Judy of taking some of Shelly's perfume--and when the cable guy came, nobody answered the door. In their defense, Judy tells them she's been waiting three weeks for Bill to fix their upstairs bathroom. All of this loses importance when Terry and Shelly discover that their son Chris missed his cello lesson because he drove Lauren and her friends to the mall instead, with more plans for future outings. Terry isn't thrilled and lets Bill and Judy know it. Shelly cuts to the chase: are Lauren and Chris dating, or is she just using him?

A new guy moves in next door to the Millers. Bill couldn't be less interested but Judy invites him over to say hello, and it turns out that their new neighbor Kyle is part of the Polsky Beer family, whose successful business was started by Kyle's grandfather. Kyle isn't the brightest of the bunch, so his brothers run the company and Kyle stays home enjoying the free beer. And just like that, Bill has a new best buddy. When spending time with Kyle becomes Bill's priority and Kyle erects a full-size scoreboard by the Millers' fence, Judy realizes that she's made a mistake.

Lauren says she should start thinking about college and that she'd like to participate in a tour of Loyola on Friday evening. Judy doesn't buy what's obviously a cover story for a frat party and forbids Lauren to go. Bill requests that Brian help him insulate the attic. Judy and Linda are forced to attend traffic school because of tickets. Unlike in high school, Linda becomes popular with everyone while Judy is left to hang with an intellectual sitting in the back corner. Lauren goes to the party anyway, but is later forced to call Brian to pick her up, which gives Brian leverage to force Lauren to be his "slave," or else he will tell on her. However, Lauren starts a power struggle when she successfully bluffs him into revealing where the "dirt" on him is hidden. Bill finds out about their lies but says that their mom need not know--if Brian and Lauren become his attic-insulation slaves.

Not noticing that Fitz is behind him, Bill calls Kyle "the best friend" he's ever had. Bill had invited Fitz to watch the game, but forgot all about it while in a paintball war with Kyle. The game is over, but Fitz has recorded it and Bill makes amends by watching it with him. Judy had a lot of chores for Bill to do while she's at work; Bill assured her that he can do them all, but when Kyle shows up and invites him, Fitz, and Brian to see his new 70" big-screen TV, Bill's priorities get mixed. And that's not all Kyle has acquired. Trouble ahead.

Judy is turning 40 and says she has absolutely no problem with it. Her mother, Helen, is in town to celebrate it and Judy is very insistent that her mom should have her eyes checked, going so far as not letting her drive until she does. Everyone is starting to wonder if Judy really has a problem with turning 40. Helen does what she can to avoid the optometrist. She convinces Bill, who is driving her, to go to the casino so she can shoot craps instead of going to her appointment. Judy is more than annoyed with Bill when she finds out Helen was a no-show to her appointment. The next day, Bill is once again driving Helen to her appointment, but this time Judy has Linda accompany them to make sure Helen makes it, but Helen manages to manipulate Linda into avoiding the optometrist and goes back to the casino. Meanwhile, Brian, Lauren, and Tina must figure out what to give Judy for her birthday when she says she doesn't want them to spend any money and that the gift must "come from the heart."

Bill's dad Al visits and the girls are temporarily accommodated in the basement. Bill tells Judy that Al has changed for the better since meeting his fiancée Joy--and he has promised to be a better father. It turns out that Joy has a son, and he is the one to whom Al will be a better father. Also, Bill's new stepbrother is also Bill, so the original Bill (Vol. 1) must change his name. Unless he can sort out this terrible mess.

Bill and Judy have agreed to meet Tina's classmate Timmy Clark's parents over dinner but are reluctant to go--until they discover that the Clarks too hate their own kids. Later, Bill is shocked to find out that Judy has already had other activity with the Clarks--without him. And the Clarks have invited Judy exclusively to dinner at a restaurant with them. Bill decides to crash the dinner. Linda and Brian buy matching cell phones--and they accidentally get switched. To Brian and his friend Douglas' shock, Linda's cell phone contains a video of Linda spanking herself.

"Christmas Hell" is causing Judy stress and she proposes that this Christmas, she and Bill reduce the workload--like not getting presents for each other, for example. Bill takes this seriously, but luckily for him, his pal Kyle, on basis of experience from three divorces, advises him to get Judy a present. Brian loses his job as a Christmas-carol singer at the mall and must help Judy decorate the house. That job was supposed to be Lauren's, but she has gotten a job at a restaurant--or so she claims. When Brian discovers that she's lying, he wants in on the scam. Suddenly, he has "a job" too. Also, having "jobs" means that they don't need to go see Judy's mother with the others. Can they pull it off?

Bill and Judy must endure Marion going on about how wonderful her and Fitz's marriage is, so after finding out that they're going to the Rolling Stones concert, they decide to buy tickets for the same concert, then end up playing a cat-and-mouse game with each other when both "lose the tickets" which they have not bought in order to guilt Marion and Fitz into giving them their tickets. But they didn't bargain on Brian.

The Millers go to dinner at Louise and Johnny's new 5,000-sq.ft. mansion on a Friday night and Lauren is not happy; she'd rather be at three parties happening that night. But then again, her 16th birthday is coming, and she's looking forward to her Sweet 16 party. Judy and Linda are actually trying to come up with a theme for the party. Then Lauren says she's been thinking and has decided that she does not need a party. Brian rats her out by revealing that she's afraid her party will be lame because "people have major Sweet 16s these days--they have DJs and catering and the whole thing." Judy announces that she will deliver the party Lauren wishes for--even if it means taking the money from BCF, a.k.a. Brian's College Fund. Then Johnny hears that the BCF is not enough and offers to pay for Lauren's party. Everything seems perfect. What could go wrong?

Both Bill and Judy are spending way too much time at Kyle's "Polsky Mansion". Perry is on a tour and refuses to come home to celebrate his six-month wedding anniversary with Linda. Having decorated her and Perry's home apparently for nothing, Linda gets the idea to decorate Kyle's place, because Kyle has been divorced for 5 years and is looking for a more mature woman as a permanent partner. When Bill discovers that Linda is ruining Kyle's place, he turns to Judy, pointing out that she's going to lose her much-loved steam room at Kyle's. Judy tries to talk Linda out of the project, but fails. She then has only one option: to make Bill place an anonymous call to a jealous Perry.

Bill's mother Louise arrives to spend a week with the Millers, bringing her cross-stitching equipment, buttons, and glue gun. Meanwhile, Brian is about to flunk out of gym class. Bill attended high school with Brian's teacher and tries to help his son--with the usual results.

Bill mistakes Lauren's purse for Judy's and is shocked to find "X" pills there. Then he learns that Lauren has been car-pooling with some Nick guy from school and can't help but try to find out if Lauren is having sex. He tries to eavesdrop on her using a baby monitor, but when that backfires, an ever-escalating chain of paybacks and cons begins... Who's making a fool of whom? Who, if anyone, is actually telling the truth?

Bill takes Brian out to a gentlemen's club for his 18th birthday, but worries when Brian starts spending all his time there. Meanwhile, Linda regrets giving Lauren a poem for her homework when it may end up winning an award.

The Oprah show. Louise really gets under Judy's skin. Lauren impeaches Brian as president of the meteorology club, and uses the clubs $4000.00 on a ski trip.

When Judy's coaching prowess has Tina's hoops team heading towards the playoffs, Bill selfishly tries to put an end to the winning.

Judy wants the job of assistant to Dr. Holman the dentist, so she needs her family to behave like the ideal family on a dinner at his place. Meanwhile, Brian gets a cut during a knife fight scene in West Side Story and meets Amy, a hot girl who makes the mistake of thinking Brian is talking about a real knife fight - a story which makes her hot for Brian. Brian is about to explain that he is not really a bad boy in a gang, but Bill urges him to seize the chance to get the girl, so Brian continues playing the role. Difficulties arise when the Millers arrive at the Holmans and it turns out that Amy is Dr. Holman's secretly rebelling daughter. Brian now needs to make Amy think he is a bad boy who's pretending to be a nerd when his parents are around, when the truth is that he actually *is* a nerd. And Dr. Holman is also a nerd with a room full of nerdy collector's items. Brian needs to choose: the girl or the items?

When Judy discovers that Al has told his fiancée that he's a millionaire, Bill confronts him--and finds out that he was the deceived one. Meanwhile, Brian seeks a way to help pay for college.

Brian graduates. Bill and Judy don't feel emotionally shaken like most parents. Brian gets into a summer program at the university and is moving out. Bill and Judy start planning new uses for Brian's room.