Episode list

Lauren goes to see a doctor about her rash. When her parents hear that she might be depressed, they want to do everything to help her. Brian and Lauren then realize they can benefit from pulling a scam on their parents.

Bill and Judy's neighbor Ed Bailey moves to Hawaii and they get new neighbors. Bill goes to meet them and finds a lesbian couple, Shelly and Terry, whose son Chris goes to Brian's school. Bill then gets Brian to tell Chris who's who in their school. Chris is immediately attracted to Lauren. Ed Bailey wouldn't sign a waiver to let Bill build a deck right next to his property, but Shelly and Terry say it's fine by them and Bill builds his deck. However, when Linda hears that the agreement is not in writing, she tells there is a danger that someday there might be a disagreement with the neighbors and Shelly and Terry could legally enforce Bill to tear down the deck. To remain on good terms with them, Bill orders Lauren to go on a date with Chris.

Linda's cat actually kills himself accidentally. Judy consoles her and they have the wake at their house. Lauren and Brian are reluctant to take part in the whole funeral thing and Judy must order them to participate. When Bill is momentarily left alone with Judy he starts to make jokes about the cat's death and after a few Judy comes up with one too. Unfortunately Linda overhears them and is offended. Bill and Judy must then come up with a suitable apology. Unfortunately, Judy only comes up with the suggestion that Linda should have a relationship with a man instead of a cat.

Linda is choosing wedding invitations with Perry, which leaves Judy without company, and she tries to make new friends in the park without coming across as a freak. When that fails, she tries to get Lauren and Fitz to hang around with her. Bill and Judy question Brian about his savings that have disappeared. Brian confesses that he is now playing a trading-card game called "Wizards: The Beckoning" (a spoof of "Magic: The Gathering"), and bought cards that cost $200 "but by now my collection has to be worth at least $1,000," he claims. When Bill realizes that Brian has won $800, he and Judy try to make Brian sell his collection of cards before they lose their value. Bill attends one of Brian's game tournaments where he is known as Miller the Merciless. Lord Hades taunts him and suddenly Bill does not want Brian to sell his cards--he wants him to beat the other players.

When an after-school program is canceled, the kids' parents decide to have a meeting to determine how they can raise money to reinstate the program. They decide that a silent auction offering items donated by the parents will be a good way to raise money. Everyone seems to have good items to offer--except Bill and Judy. They decide to offer a beef dinner for two, followed by a tooth cleaning by Judy, but nobody bids on it. Judy and Bill figure out that the reason people want the after-school program to continue is to be able to get rid of their children for a couple of hours. At the last minute they change their donation item to an arts and crafts party for the 10 highest bidders. The parents rush the table and their item is a success, beating out the Halversons--who gamely congratulate them and offer to help them with the party if they accept the 20 highest bids. They all agree. A few days before the party, the Halversons call Judy and tell her they can't help with the party because they're going out of town to help a sick aunt. The party goes on as planned and Judy and Bill are overwhelmed with children running everywhere. Bill, returning from the store with some items for the party, reports to Judy that dozens of cars are parked at the Halversons', a party seems to be happening, and the Halversons are laughing at pulling a fast one on the Millers. Bill and Judy round up the children and bring eggs and toilet paper to "decorate" the Halversons' house. Inside the Halversons are having a memorial for their dearly-departed aunt. As eggs hit the windows and toilet paper dances everywhere, the Halversons open the door and confront the Millers, who are embarrassed about their big mistake. A police siren is heard in the distance and the Millers and kids scatter.

Judy screams at the entire family because of a dirty roasting pan she intentionally left on the kitchen table a week ago; she wanted to see if anyone else would clean it, and she has certainly found out. She explodes that she does all of the cleaning, grocery shopping, and cooking. Bill starts cooking in secret after watching late-night cooking show on cable, "Debbie Does Dinner." He is getting good at cooking, but he can't have the family find out or else he'd be stuck on permanent cooking duty. But of course they eventually find out and he does take over the cooking--and Judy's delighted that she doesn't need to do it and the family is eating well. But there is a problem: when Bill dons an apron, Judy somehow sees him as less than a man. How can they work this out?

Judy gets alarming news from her doctor and gets the impulse to write a heartfelt farewell letter to Bill, just in case should the worst happen. She asks Bill to do the same, but he doesn't quite have the talent as a wordsmith so he has to seek alternative options of coming up with the letter...

After Judy expresses a desire to have a better relationship with Bill's mother, Louise dupes her into accepting a cruise invitation. Meanwhile, Brian and Lauren compete to be the entertainment at Tina's birthday party.

Brian is dating school wallflower Brenda, but is also interested in hot girl Kaitlin. Bill tells him how to "pull a Murphy": he used to date the school wallflower, which made him seem sensitive, therefore interesting, in the eyes of the hot "school slut". Bill then broke up with the wallflower and got with the "slut". But Brian's conscience does not allow him to pull a Murphy on Brenda. To his surprise, a solution presents itself, when Brian learns that Kaitlin would like a boyfriend like him AND he must break up with Brenda because she is moving away--a "perfect Murphy" in Bill's words. But that's not the last surprise.

Each caught by their wives with an incriminating tape, Bill and Fitz blame each other, but when their wives reconcile from a past grievance, their web of lies threatens to unravel.

Bill learns, to his disappointment, that Brian is a vice-president of the school kite club. Bill also notices, on a more positive note, that Lauren's friend Chris is hanging around their living room a lot. On Lauren's request, he retreats upstairs. When Bill comes down for a midnight snack, he catches Chris sneaking out and flips out although Chris claims that he did "nothing" with Lauren. Judy arrives to calm Bill down and has a discussion with him. She trusts Lauren and Chris, but Bill claims that Chris's lesbian mothers have an undesirable influence on him, so they visit their neighbors to get them to help keep an eye on Chris, but they have an unwavering trust on their boy. Judy then suggests that Bill try to bond with Chris and earn his respect, which would make him respect Lauren as well. But how to bond?

Lauren wants to go to a under-21 club, but Judy won't let her. A picture appears in the paper of Lauren and her father, except that the man in the picture is actually her friend Becca's dad. Judy concludes that Bill isn't spending enough time (more precisely, no time at all) with Lauren, and Bill agrees to do something with her. Unsurprisingly, they find that they have nothing to talk about, so they hatch a plan to make Judy think they have spent time together. Meanwhile, Judy can't resist trying on Linda's wedding gown.

Brian has a crush on a girl called Carrie at school, but to her, he is invisible. Lauren encourages Brian by saying that he has a lot of potential - with a little bit of work, he "could actually be... a pretty good-looking guy". She then offers to give Brian a whole new look, because that would be a challenge to her. It all goes well, until a slight accident happens... Meanwhile, Bill wants to buy a muscle car of his dreams. Judy does not approve. Linda stops by with Perry, who is about to start making a music video of his dreams - but he hasn't even written the song yet! Since the video would be partly funded with Linda's money, Judy asks if it is really wise to spend the money that's been reserved for Linda and Perry's wedding. When Linda tells Bill about Judy's comment, he declares Judy a dream-crusher and suggests that Linda encourage Perry to make the music video. Then... Linda tells Judy about Bill's advice, and an argument ensues. In the end, Judy storms out, predicting that Bill's advice will result in things falling apart...

Bill and Judy return home after a romantic date night and hear noise from the basement. Bill goes to investigate and returns to report that "Brian and Lauren's friends are down there" and adds: "I told a joke and cracked them up". Judy finds it odd, because "normal girls don't like Brian's friends" and, she points out, "no kids like your jokes". So she goes down with Bill in tow, looks around and sniffs the kids, but finds nothing. Then she accidentally bumps into one of the boys and hears bottles rattle inside his jacket. Lauren claims that the bottles are needed for a game of Spin the Bottle, but Judy calls her bluff out by spinning a bottle, forcing Lauren to choose between the truth and kissing one of Brian's nerd friends. Lauren confesses. The beer party is over. Brian and Lauren get grounded for two months. Bill and Judy have a talk with Ted and Kathy, the parents of one of the kids. Ted comes up with the idea of the parents setting an example for the kids by not drinking for one month. Bill and Judy are reluctant to commit to the idea. Some time later, Brian overhears Judy telling Bill that the other parents have agreed to not drink for a month and claiming that they too could do it, if they wanted. He tells this to Lauren and they both laugh at their parents. Then Linda points out that they do drink too much in front of the kids. So Bill and Judy announce to Brian and Lauren that they will abstain from drinking for a whole month. Not as easy as they think it will be...

Fitz has trouble not thinking about his divorce while watching football with Bill and Mack, and Bill has trouble enjoying the game. Then Fitz leaves and the guys rejoice. But Judy finds this sad and decides that she and Bill should visit Fitz and cheer him up. They are amazed to discover that Fitz has a pretty sweet apartment--the ground floor even has a bar. When Judy and Bill go there with Fitz, she gets the idea for her and Bill to pretend to be single and help "sell" Fitz to a single lady. Judy finds an attractive lady, Denise, and leads her to the guys' table. Denise and Fitz kind of hit it off, so Bill and Judy's mission is accomplished. What to do next?

Louise and Johnny are getting married. They set the date in two weeks on Valentine's Day and she wants the family to take part. Lauren and Tina will be the bridesmaids, Brian will play the guitar, Bill will give her away, and Judy will be her matron of honor. However, Judy is less than thrilled--but Louise says that if she doesn't accept, the wedding will be postponed indefinitely. Louise has Judy running ragged and wanting to quit, but Bill tells her she only has three days left and things will be great after that. Meanwhile, Al has flown in from Florida and he says he will stop the wedding. Will he succeed?

Brian volunteers to help a hot "elderly" woman. When Bill finds out, he offers to help Brian ogle. Tina is sick. Bill and Judy continually forget to pick up Lauren from her school activities.

Brian is getting anonymous instant messages from a girl and believes it is Lauren's tutor, Sarah. Unbeknown to him Lauren is the person sending the messages just to play with Brian.

Bill's new manager is younger and smarter. When he takes an interest in Brian, Bill gets work perks.

Bill and Judy discover that their pediatrician has the teddy bear in which they used to hide their stash, so they must scheme to retrieve it. When they find that it is no longer in the donation bin at Dr. Bloom's office, they go to his house, where Lauren is babysitting his granddaughter Ella--who is sound asleep holding it in her arms. As they prepare to take it from her, Dr. Bloom returns home.

Judy tries to stand her ground when Bill's mother tries to horn in on her Mother's Day tradition with her own mom. Judy finally convinces Bill to take Louise wherever she wants to go while she, Helen, and Lauren go to their traditional tea. But chaos ensues when they all end up at the same place.

Linda and Perry are finally getting married. The main reason: Perry's Foghat cover band's scheduled tour was canceled. The wedding will be at the local VFW Hall and will have a rock'n'roll theme. Although Judy is happy for Linda, she's skeptical about the whole thing. She wonders if this wedding is what Linda wants and if Perry is the right man for her. To Linda, all that matters is that she's marrying Perry. Judy also wonders how Perry will support Linda and a family since he's unemployed. Bill says that he and his band will have steady work performing in a casino/lounge in Reno, as they signed a two-year contract and that Linda will accompany him. Judy is upset because Linda never mentioned this to her and feels that Linda should be with someone more stable, like Glen, the stockbroker she used to date. Judy and Linda go out to dinner to plan Linda's bachelorette party, but Judy has arranged for Glen to come and show Linda that she could do better with him than with Perry. Linda is tired of Judy putting Perry down and says Judy shouldn't come to the wedding if this is how she feels about him. Now Judy is upset because she won't be going to the wedding. She says she can't change the way she feels about Perry and that Linda is throwing her life away by letting Perry force her to quit her job and follow him to Reno. Perry visits the house to drop off wedding gifts and talk to Judy. He convinces her that he loves Linda and she decided to go to Reno with him, and that Judy must come to the wedding, in fact he asks her to come. Judy and Linda make up, and Linda has her bachelorette party; Bill gets designated-driver duty for the highly-drunk ladies. Finally it's just Bill, Judy, and Linda, and when Judy passes out, Linda talks to Bill, telling him that she's happy to marry Perry, but she would've settled for almost anybody, just as long as she got married before she turned 40. When Bill asks her if she's serious about that, she passes out. By the wedding day, Bill is still bothered about Linda's words.. He thinks about saying nothing, but then confronts Linda and asks her if she's marrying Perry for the right reasons. Bill says she shouldn't marry Perry just to meet a certain deadline and that she deserves to be happy. She convinces Bill that she's marrying Perry because she loves him. She and Perry get married. After they return from their honeymoon, Linda and Perry announce their future plans.

Brian has the chance to go to Italy for three months as an exchange student and he couldn't be more excited, until Linda tells him about her misadventures in France. Reluctant to go, he tries to sabotage the trip by breaking the rules at home. Bill and Judy are wondering why he's acting this way and they figure that he may be afraid of going and doesn't want to admit it. Brian, now more enthusiastic about going, looks foward to camping, hiking and fishing in the country. This bothers Bill, because he always promised Brian they would go camping and he has yet to do it. They eventually argue and the camping trip is off. Judy wonders why...