1982

S5.E1 ∙ The Proposal

Wed, Sep 24, 1986

Diane will not accept Sam's proposal over the telephone because she wants him to do it right. So he sets up the perfect romantic evening, only to have Diane reject the proposal.

8 /10

Sam refuses to accept Diane's reconsideration of his proposal, and brags to her about a romantic weekend he has planned in Cape Cod. Diane follows him down there, and Sam doesn't want her to know that his date had to leave early.

7.4 /10

S5.E3 ∙ Money Dearest

Wed, Oct 08, 1986

Cliff sees dollar signs in his future when he successfully schemes to get his mom engaged to a wealthy bar patron. However, his plan soon backfires when his future step-father announces that he's giving his fortune away to charity.

7.3 /10

S5.E4 ∙ Abnormal Psychology

Wed, Oct 15, 1986

Diane thinks that Frasier is masking romantic feelings for his colleague, Dr. Lilith Sternin, so she launches a plan to fan the flames of love. Meanwhile, Norm and Cliff reluctantly join Woody for a fishing trip.

8.6 /10

S5.E5 ∙ House of Horrors with Formal Dining and Used Brick

Wed, Oct 29, 1986

Carla finds out that the new house she bought was built on top of a 17th century prison graveyard. Cliff comes over to help her spend her first night in the house.

7.5 /10

S5.E6 ∙ Tan 'N' Wash

Wed, Nov 05, 1986

Diane goads Sam by dating other men, namely Chad. Sam doesn't seem to care, but does. They have a battle over who can bother whom the most by Diane's act or Sam's reaction. Meanwhile, Norm has added financial counselor to his resume and has made a tidy profit for one of his grateful clients. The gang at the bar all want in on Norm's next big investment opportunity, but he is reluctant to tell them what it is as business and friendship don't mix. Easily plied with free beer by Sam, Norm does reveal his next investment: Tan 'N' Wash, a combination tanning salon/ coin-operated laundry. Despite being skeptical, Sam, Diane, Cliff and Carla all buy in fearing losing out on Norm's winning streak. Despite moving into the winter season when people are searching for an easy tan, the timing may not be quite right as Boston is experiencing an Indian summer. The questions become whether the four nervous investors will weather the financial storm, whether Norm will indeed let them out of their investment, and whether their friendship can survive the ill feelings stemming from the possibility of each losing their entire investment.

7.6 /10

S5.E7 ∙ Young Dr. Weinstein

Wed, Nov 12, 1986

Diane and her date, Jordan Brundidge, have managed to secure reservations at the latest "it" restaurant in Boston called The Cafe. Sam thinks that perhaps he should take his latest conquest, Darlene, there as well. Diane laughs in his face as The Cafe is not the type of place one can call up on the spur of the moment and expect a table. Sam thinks that he can seeing to his local celebrity status. He calls and Diane seems to be right. Even Frasier can't manage to call in a favor from an old colleague, Dr. Julian Weinstein, a world famous transplant surgeon and gourmet, who would be able to get a last minute reservation there. Sam does whatever it takes to show his superiority over Diane in this matter, even if it takes a little false advertising. His false advertising leads to an uncomfortable night both for himself and Diane. Meanwhile, Woody is determined to concoct a new bar drink that doesn't taste like sewer water.

7.7 /10

S5.E8 ∙ Knights of the Scimitar

Wed, Nov 19, 1986

Diane is doing some part-time teaching at the college and tells Sam that one of her students is falling in love with her. The problem is that she prides herself on being attracted to men solely on their inner beauty, but this guy, whose name is Lance Apollonaire, is drop dead gorgeous which is stirring animal passions in her. He is also young and a student. Sam thinks she is making this story up to make him jealous, especially with such a made up name as Lance Apollonaire. Is Lance real or a figment of Diane's "let's make Sam jealous" mind? Meanwhile, Cliff has reached one of his goals in life, that to become a member of a lodge called Knights of the Scimitar. He wants to invite all the guys into the lodge as well, they all really not wanting to join. He does eventually talk Norm into joining as it's a good place to make business contacts. Norm breezes through the interview and gets into the lodge, which he admits is made up of a bunch of good guys despite his sole original rationale for joining. However, he later learns two items about the lodge that may be deal breakers for his membership.

7.5 /10

S5.E9 ∙ Thanksgiving Orphans

Wed, Nov 26, 1986

Thanksgiving is approaching and no one has anything to do except Diane, who is among a select few graduate students one of her professors has asked to spend Thanksgiving with his family, celebrating in the pilgrim's tradition. Diane suggests that the rest of the gang spend Thanksgiving together in Carla's new home. Carla agrees to a potluck dinner, with Norm in charge of the humongous turkey. Woody, Cliff and Frasier are solo for the day, but Sam is to bring his date Wendy and Norm is to bring his never seen wife Vera. They all vow to make this Thanksgiving the best ever. But some invited guests end up being no shows, and one uninvited guest makes an appearance. The guest list ends up being the smallest of the problems that ultimately befall this Thanksgiving. Regardless, this Thanksgiving does end up being a memorable one for all involved and in some ways the best ever.

8.6 /10

S5.E10 ∙ Everyone Imitates Art

Wed, Dec 03, 1986

Diane receives what she believes is a "promising" rejection letter from a literary magazine for a poem she submitted. To prove that the letter is nothing more than a form letter, Sam bets her that if he submits a poem to the same magazine, he too will receive the same letter. Much to Sam's surprise, the poem he submits gets published in the magazine. Diane, believing that Sam has plagiarized a previously published work, lives for a week solely on coffee and cigarettes as she madly rifles through every poetry book to find the poem Sam submitted. She hits the furthest deeps of despair when offhandedly Woody mentions to her that he too submitted a poem to the magazine and received the exact same rejection letter as Diane. Feeling that Diane has gone through enough anguish, Sam admits to Diane the source of what was truly his previously unpublished poem. Meanwhile, Carla, the Elvis Presley fanatic, takes a trip to Graceland on the 10th anniversary of his death.

8 /10

S5.E11 ∙ The Book of Samuel

Wed, Dec 10, 1986

When Sam goes away on vacation, he chooses Woody to be boss at the bar. Woody is prepared to do so, but unprepared for the Dear John letter he receives from Beth. Wanting to explain in person, Beth and her fiancé, Leonard Twilley - who Woody knows - plan on stopping in Boston on their way to Niagara Falls. Although Woody is sad, he is more fearful of looking pitiful in Beth's eyes by not having his own girl on his arms. Seeing that Beth and Leonard's stopover is a short one, Diane thinks that making up a girlfriend for Woody is not a bad idea. However Beth and Leonard's stopover is a bit longer than either Diane or Woody thought, and Beth suggests that they, including Woody's girlfriend, go out for dinner. As a last resort, Woody picks a name out of Sam's little black book - Desiree Harrison - who, according to Sam "is the best" and has multiple stars next to her name. When Desiree comes to the bar at the appointed time, she is not what quite Woody expects.

7.4 /10

S5.E12 ∙ Dance, Diane, Dance

Wed, Dec 17, 1986

Diane admits to the gang that she has been taking a ballet class at the local community college under the tutelage of world renowned Madame Lihkova. The final exam for the class entailed performing a solo to be videotaped for adjudication. The gang at the bar intercepts the tape and the critique before Diane has a chance to see it; the critique is negative as Diane truly has no dancing talent. To spare Diane's feelings, Frasier decides to write a glowing review for Diane instead thinking that this act of kindness will cause no harm. After reading the altered review, which states that she has "the soul of a dancer", Diane decides to pursue her dream of becoming a ballerina, despite her advanced age. She crashes a closed practice for Boston Ballet, and is about ready to perform for the company when...

7.5 /10

S5.E13 ∙ Chambers vs. Malone

Wed, Jan 07, 1987

Diane waltzes into the bar full of cheer, announcing to Sam that she had a premonition that he would ask her to marry him today; he mocks her and laughs in her face. Superstitious Carla warns Sam not to test the fate of woman's intuition. Diane does whatever she can to set the mood for a proposal and Sam does everything he can to prove to Diane that he won't propose. When they're finally alone just prior to midnight, Sam states that her insistence is driving him nuts and adamantly states that he will never ask her to marry him again. When Diane comes to the realization that it might not happen, her tears start to flow which prompts Sam to ask her to marry him. She says no, again! For a split second, he dreams that he has murdered Diane and is on death row - he chases her out of the bar to perhaps do the deed?! The following day, we find that Diane has had Sam arrested for assault and battery, and has asked newly minted but inept lawyer Tom, who has finally passed the bar examine after umpteen tries, to be his lawyer. At the bail hearing, Diane walks with a cane into the courtroom with a brace around her neck. Sam denies even laying a hand on her. Despite the fact that the judge has waived bail and released Sam on his own recognizance, Diane feels the need to tell the court of their relationship and their proposal history. Suggested by Tom and agreed to by the judge, they can get themselves out of this entire situation if Sam just proposes to Diane again.

7.5 /10

S5.E14 ∙ Diamond Sam

Wed, Jan 14, 1987

Sam and Diane announce to the gang at the bar that they are engaged, however Carla goes into deep denial about this news, which is her worst nightmare. Diane loves this one engagement ring, and so does Sam until he finds out the $5,200 price. Norm mentions to Sam in secret that he has a jeweler friend, the term jeweler used very loosely, who can reproduce the ring for a fraction of the cost at $1,200. Sam agrees with the ruse. After giving Diane the knockoff ring, he in turn needs to tell one lie after another to protect his secret, each lie costing his some money. After he figures he can no longer support the lie, he goes and buys the real ring, now having paid in total $9,000 for the real ring, the knockoff and all the items to support the lie. Afterward, Diane, without Sam's knowledge, finds out that Sam bought the knockoff ring. Diane however doesn't know that Sam has in turn purchased the real ring, which ends up causing some complications in their relationship.

7.5 /10

S5.E15 ∙ Spellbound

Wed, Jan 21, 1987

Diane and Carla console Loretta, who has caught Nick cheating on her. They counsel her to stand on her own two feet and leave Nick. When Nick comes into the bar to claim her back, a chivalrous Sam stands up for her. Nick takes that as a sign that Sam has stolen Loretta from him. So Nick threatens to steal the same from Sam, that being Diane. Nick makes an attempt to wine and dine Diane, then Loretta, then Carla and then any of the three who will give him the time of day. Meanwhile, Frasier, the chess expert, has met his match in simpleton Woody.

7.3 /10

S5.E16 ∙ Never Love a Goalie: Part 1

Wed, Jan 28, 1987

Eddie Lebec, a newly acquired goalie for the Bruins, comes into the bar prior to a game. Eddie is currently the hottest goalie in the league. Since the start of his winning streak, Eddie, a superstitious person, will not stray from his regular routine, which includes a drink of club soda, no ice, 2 slices of lemon and a red straw. Eddie and Carla hit it off and start dating. Carla is excited but anxious that something will go wrong to ruin the relationship. On the day Eddie publicly declares Carla as his girlfriend, a game against the Flyers goes into OT, and as soon as Carla blows him a kiss of good luck, Eddie's winning streak comes to an end. Is the only difference in his routine the fact of Carla being in his life? With others in the bar, Diane is called to jury duty, to which she is named foreman for an attempted murder trial. Despite being sworn to secrecy, Diane talks about the trial to anyone who will listen, that really being no one. And a depressed Frasier is sad about the passing of beloved lab chimp Bombo. To cheer him up, Carla takes him to a hockey game. The game does get him out of his funk, a little too much however.

7.4 /10

S5.E17 ∙ Never Love a Goalie: Part 2

Wed, Feb 04, 1987

Carla and Eddie are now in a relationship. Ever since Carla blew him the kiss and Eddie let in that cheap goal, Eddie has been on a slump. The most superstitious couple ever, Eddie and Carla analyze Eddie's life routine since the slump started, the only change in routine being Carla in his life. Not only does Carla come to the conclusion that she may be a jinx, but so does every one else in the bar. Carla has to decide to dump Eddie and have him regain his winning streak, or stay with Eddie at the price of the Bruins. Or is there another solution? Meanwhile, Diane is still at the trial and still talking to whoever will listen to her. Reminiscent of 12 Angry Men (1957), Diane stands alone in the jury as the dissenting voice thinking that the accused is guilty, comparing the relationship of the accused and his victim wife to Sam and herself. If she can't win in the court of law, she figures, out of a streak of good luck, that she can win outside the legal system.

7.4 /10

S5.E18 ∙ One Last Fling

Wed, Feb 11, 1987

For the bachelor party the guys at the bar throw for Sam, Woody offhandedly asks Diane if she would be the girl who jumps out of the cake. Although she abhors such male sexual rituals, she agrees if only to stop someone else from "pleasuring" Sam. At the party, just as Diane is ready to come out of the cake, Norm makes a comment which makes Sam reexamine out loud for the first time this wedding and the fact that Diane will now be the one and only woman in his life. After jumping out of the cake mad at Sam for his comments, Diane later offers Sam a proposition: she will give him a last 24-hours of freedom to do whatever he pleases with whomever he pleases. Sam excitedly agrees until Diane throws in that she too will have her last 24-hours of freedom to do whatever she pleases with whomever she pleases. Will Sam still go along with Diane's plan and if so what will he do and what will she do?

7.9 /10

S5.E19 ∙ Dog Bites Cliff

Wed, Feb 18, 1987

On his postal route, Cliff is bitten by a dog, and decides to sue the owner for $200,000. Madeline, the dog's owner, ends up being a beautiful, voluptuous woman, but one that is up front about wanting to help Cliff despite the fact that she has little money. Cliff and Madeline start dating, the gang at the bar thinking that it only a ploy on her part for Cliff not to sue. Cliff realizes this is the case, but is still dating her in hopes of trading dropping the lawsuit for a roll in the sack. Madeline announces to everyone that her lawyer wants her to get Cliff to sign a waiver to absolve her of any responsibility, but she refuses to do so. Perhaps Madeline really does like Cliff. Or maybe she's got other methods of getting her way. Madeline and Cliff make it all the way to bed in a nice suite at the Ritz, when... Meanwhile, Diane is off on a Buddhist monastery retreat for a couple of weeks.

7.5 /10

S5.E20 ∙ Dinner at Eight-ish

Wed, Feb 25, 1987

Frasier and Lilith announce that they are moving in together and as the instigators of the relationship, they invite Sam and Diane over as their first dinner guests. Just prior to Sam and Diane's arrival, the new couple analyze their relationship and who manipulated who into doing what, which starts an evening long argument. As Sam and Diane arrive, the evening goes on a roller coaster of emotions, the major downturn initiated by a secret revealed by Diane. Thus Diane becomes the third member embroiled in the emotional battle for the evening. The dip and the apartment main floor powder room play key roles in how those emotions manifest themselves. Frasier believes that he has the ultimate answer to the evening's problems.

8.8 /10

S5.E21 ∙ Simon Says

Wed, Mar 04, 1987

Diane and Sam are given a bleak prognosis from a noted marriage counselor.

8.6 /10

S5.E22 ∙ The Godfather: Part 3

Wed, Mar 18, 1987

The Coach's niece, Joyce, comes to Boston to attend BU. She comes to the bar bearing a letter from her father, the Coach's younger brother, for Sam: he asks Sam keep an eye out for his little girl, for if anything was to ever happen to her, he would blow his brains out. This is a heavy burden on Sam, and by association Diane. To keep her out of trouble, they ask the most innocent person they know to show her a good time, that person being Woody. Woody and Joyce have such a good time together that after a couple of days, they announce that they are engaged. This news throws Sam into a tizzy. Sam's attempts to end the engagement have an unintended result. Diane takes over, her talks with them also not going according to plan. Do Diane and Sam's tactics reflect the quality of their future parenting skills? Meanwhile, Frasier and Lilith are celebrating an anniversary of their first meeting. Frasier buys Lilith an antique armoire, while he leaves clues around the apartment for what he wants, a new set of golf clubs. Will he get his beloved clubs?

7.4 /10

S5.E23 ∙ Norm's First Hurrah

Wed, Mar 25, 1987

Norm announces to the bar that he has a great new job at a prestigious CPA firm. Everyone at the bar soon learn first hand that Norm over-sold his job as his office, the size of a phone booth, used to be the supply room which he has to share with an obsequious brown-noser of a colleague named Tompkins. When alone with Diane, Norm shows his frustration at which Diane chastises him for not being more of a go-getter in his life in general. This act and his lot within the company makes Norm think he can move up the corporate ladder. With Diane's help he thinks he's got the plan that will help himself become a corporate success, which would be a first in his life. This plan ultimately shows Norm that he really has found his lot in life. Meanwhile back at the bar, Sam and Diane discuss where they should go on their honeymoon. Will it be Tibet or Disney World?

7.4 /10

S5.E24 ∙ Cheers: The Motion Picture

Wed, Apr 01, 1987

After Woody's Uncle Fergie has a mugging filled trip to Boston. Woody's father thinks that Boston is too dangerous a place for his son. And he wants him to return back home to Indiana. The gang at the bar thinks that introducing Woody's friends through the making of a home movie, would settle Woody's father's concerns. The first attempt has Diane as writer, director and cinematographer. Her "cast" rebels at the unnatural, for them dialog in Diane's script. They fire her, and she then separates herself from the project. The final product of the second attempt has Woody shown individually with each of his friends. Each, against their own natural settings: Sam in his office. Carla at a backyard BBQ, with her rambunctious kids. Cliff on his postal route. Norm at the Hungry Heifer, and Frasier at his psychiatry practice's office. After watching it. They each agrees that they all come off as boobs. Except for Diane. She sees this version as the start of something great. To her, all it needs are a few Chamber's touches. Will Diane's Jean-Luc Godard inspired version, which she sent to Woody's parents, do the trick?

7.8 /10

S5.E25 ∙ A House Is Not a Home

Wed, Apr 29, 1987

Diane finds the perfect house for her and Sam to buy. An elderly couple, Bert and Lillian Miller, currently live there and have for forty years. After hearing the Miller's stories of life in that house, Diane no longer thinks that it is the perfect house for her since it is Bert and Lillian's emotionally. Based on a statement by the Millers that they will miss the Christmases the most, Frasier suggests that Sam and Diane give the Millers one last Christmas in the house to rid Diane and Sam of any guilt. Sam thinks it's a screwy idea, but it's just what Diane needs. Despite it being the heat of summer, Diane decides not to wait until December and to have Christmas come in the summer this year, at least for the Millers and their extended family. The summer Christmas party has an unintended effect both for the Millers and for Diane, but Sam decides he needs to take control of the situation which isn't totally under control until he sees dogs playing black jack.

7.1 /10

S5.E26 ∙ I Do, Adieu

Wed, May 06, 1987

Sumner Sloan, Diane's ex-fiancé and old English professor, tells her that he submitted one of her old unfinished novels to an editor at a publishing house, the editor who sees promise in it and sees the possibility of it being published. Diane hasn't yet finished it, in fact she hasn't written anything since she started working at Cheers. Sam secretly overhears their conversation, and thinks that their impending wedding may be holding Diane back in her writing career, something she's always wanted. Sam and Diane discuss her writing career in relation to their marriage, they both feel that in the immediate future only one of the two will happen. Each has his/her own feeling of what should happen, each being so steadfast in their view to an extreme. Sam's perspective is based on a daydream he has about himself and Diane in old age together, she having forgone her writing career. When push comes to shove, one of the two makes a unilateral decision for the two of them, that person who has the full realization that the decision is forever. Meanwhile, the guys at the bar make a bet on whether the wedding will actually happen.

8.5 /10