Episode list

Sam and Rebecca have definitely decided that they are going to have a baby together. Rebecca wants the conception not just to be a technical exercise, but a special night that they can tell their child about. The night should be a romantic one. Just before they are ready to do it, Rebecca's talk of "making a baby" makes Sam realize what they are doing and he gets nervous and runs out on her. He needs advice and turns to Frasier. Frasier thinks Sam's nervousness is related to the fact of the purpose, as opposed to the act of making love. Sam needs to make the evening more about making love than making a baby. Concerned that she did something wrong, Rebecca turns to Lilith for advice on the situation. Lilith thinks that Sam's nervousness was due to the fact that he has never made love with the purpose of having a child, and to make the act of this lovemaking special and different than the umpteen million other times he's made love to women, Rebecca should focus on the purpose of siring a child. When Sam returns to Rebecca's apartment, their evening gets worse as they are working at cross purposes to each other.

Spurred by Frasier's desire to find his inner "hairy man", Frasier, Sam, Norm and Cliff embark on a spontaneous one-week road trip across America. They need to take Cliff's car since it is the one that will comfortably fit the four and their gear. One dark evening out on a deserted back road in the desert, Sam falls asleep at the wheel and crashes the car. The guys are physically all right, but the car needs repairs. Their emotions start to fray when all attempts to fix the car - many of the problems due to the booby traps Cliff has placed on the car in the name of theft security - fail, they're locked out of the car, Frasier's cell phone dies and ultimately pragmatist Frasier states that they may be in real trouble. Perhaps things will look better in the morning. They do look better for Norm. Back at the bar, Carla hires extra help since Woody is currently away. She hires her naive, but handsome tight jeans and shirt wearing nephew, Frankie. All the women at the bar can't stop ogling his tight butt. Usually one to ogle a tight butt herself, Carla has to take action to protect her naive nephew.

Woody is appearing in a local production of Arsenic and Old Lace. The local theater critic gives the production a good review, but he deems Woody's performance weak. Stung by the critique, Woody decides to quit the show. Lee Bradken, the director, convinces Woody that all he needs to do to have a better performance is get to his true emotional feelings by writing them down on paper. Buoyed by the fact that the critic is coming back to re-review the play, Woody takes the task assigned by Bradken too much to heart. Meanwhile, Carla is worried because Madame Lazora, her spiritual advisor since she was seventeen, is coming by the bar to see her. Carla thinks it is to tell her some devastating news about her life. Instead, Madame Lazora comes to say that she is retiring to Florida, and that Princess Katja, her spirit guide and connection to the afterlife, has named Carla as the person who should take Madame Lazora's place. Carla is skeptical at first since she doesn't think she has the gift. Initially this is true, but once she puts her mind to it, she can read people's minds... or so she thinks. She tells Madame Lazora that she feels she doesn't have the gift to take over her job. Then all of a sudden after Madame Lazora chastises her for having no faith, Carla starts channeling the spirit of Princess Katja. Carla does have the gift. Later at Madame Lazora's studio just as Carla is about to start her new life as a spiritualist, Carla makes an admission to Madame Lazora, who, in turn, makes her own admission that she is phony, which will change Carla's entire outlook on life.

Carla, questioning Rebecca's potential parenting skills, bets her $5 that she can't take care of an egg for three days. Despite a rocky start, Rebecca seems like she's going to win the bet. Or does Carla have other things on her mind? Meanwhile, Norm is doing another paint job for the Cranes, during which Frasier accidentally falls on top of Norm, causing a bruised disk in Norm's back. Because Vera is away and Norm is immobile, Frasier suggests that Norm stay at their house on the couch until Vera returns. Lilith reluctantly agrees. Lilith ends up being at Norm's beck and call, especially getting him one beer after another. Just as Lilith is at the end of her rope, Norm offers his gratitude to her - she can't now kick him out. But there's another problem: Norm can't go to the bar, so the bar comes to Norm. How much will Lilith be able to handle of people, especially the Cheers gang, invading her house?

Margaret O'Keefe, Cliff's mail carrier girlfriend living in Canada, has come back to Boston wanting to rekindle her relationship with Cliff. Cliff also wants to do so, but he isn't thinking marriage just yet. The biggest hurdle in the relationship is that Ma Clavin and Margaret have never met. When Cliff tells Ma about Margaret, Ma is hurt - she feels like Cliff wants to replace her with another woman. But Ma and Margaret do meet, and after an initial coolness between them, Ma and Margaret get along famously. They get along so well that Ma proposes to Margaret for Cliff and Margaret accepts, without Cliff even being there. Ma and Margaret announce this news to the gang at the bar, but Cliff doesn't yet want to get married. He will have to tell both Margaret and Ma, the latter who may be the more difficult person to tell. In doing so, Cliff and Ma demonstrate who wears the pants in the Clavin household. Meanwhile, Rebecca and Sam are still trying to have a baby. It's been two months without success. Rebecca is being scientific about it, and thinks the problem is that Sam is too warm "down there" due to the fact that he wears constricting bikini briefs. She suggests he try boxer shorts that contain freon to freeze his testes, which is what he becomes.

Everyone at the bar is questioning Sam and Rebecca's wanting to have a baby. Some are dismayed they have decided to do this out of wedlock, while others doubt Sam or Rebecca's parenting skills. Lilith suggests that Sam and Rebecca should try babysitting someone else's child for an evening. With Frederick Crane unavailable, Rebecca decides that she and Sam should give themselves the ultimate test: looking after Carla's seven kids for one evening (the eldest, Anthony, won't be around, having a previous--fairly serious--commitment). Carla is all for the idea if only to have an evening away from her unruly mob. But what will Sam and Rebecca think about having a child after this evening is over? Meanwhile, Woody wants his parents to meet Kelly. Since he does not have the money for Kelly and himself to take a trip back to Hanover, he decides to make and send them a videotape of Kelly and himself. Cliff and Frasier volunteer to be director/videographer.

It's Halloween, and the Cranes are arguing about how much of the Halloween tradition, if any, to which they should expose Frederick. Another argument going on, one more traditional, is that between the gang at Cheers and the gang at Gary's Olde Towne Tavern, Halloween a day that bar wars of the prank kind happen. As Sam and the gang decide what to do to Gary and his bar - as Carla states, she wants to be on a winning side of a great scam - Gary already hits. But the pranks come to a screeching halt from Gary's side when he comes into Cheers and announces that he wants a truce as he was just diagnosed with extremely high blood pressure. Sam doesn't believe him and continues to plot. Checking how their own prank on Gary went over, the Cheers gang goes over to Gary's and finds him alone unconscious on the floor. Frasier checks: Gary isn't unconscious, but dead. Seeing Gary on the floor, Sam doesn't believe Gary's dead. After the police and coroner confirm Frasier's check, Sam doesn't believe Gary's dead. When one of Gary's bartenders gives Sam one of Gary's prized possessions, Sam doesn't believe Gary's dead. As Gary's funeral is announced, Sam doesn't believe Gary's dead. After Sam sees Gary inside the casket, Sam doesn't believe Gary's dead. As the casket is lowered into the ground, Sam doesn't believe Gary's dead. Is Gary dead? Regardless, Carla gets her wish.

After Frasier suggests that she change her hair style, Lilith does get a new hairdo. Can it get any worse than her tight as a wound bun? Meanwhile, it's Norm's birthday and among his gifts is a Boston Celtics jacket personally delivered by Kevin McHale. Before Kevin leaves the bar, he gets caught up in the typical trivia talk of Norm and Cliff, namely how many bolts there are in the Boston Garden basketball court. Carla warns Kevin of the obsessive power of bar trivia, but she's too late. Kevin is obsessed with knowing the number of bolts, which no one can tell him conclusively. He's up in the middle of the night wondering, but what's worse, his basketball skills plummet as he's busy counting the bolts rather than paying attention to the game. Sam, Norm, Cliff and Woody decide to go to the Garden to count the bolts so that Kevin can get back on track. Will they be able to find out conclusively the number of bolts to save the Celtics? Or will they make the situation even worse by their antics at the Garden?

Cliff has been chosen to re-enact the first postal run cum pony express in Boston. The problem is is that Cliff is scared of horses. Other fears take over Cliff. Best friend Norm comes to the rescue, but will Cliff appreciate the effort? Back at the bar, Sam is in his continual battle with upstairs neighbor, John Allen Hill. At the end of his rope, Sam decides to pull out the big guns to get back at Hill by using the meanest, evilest thing at his disposal: Carla. Sam leaves it to Carla's discretion about what to do, but Carla only promises to make Hill cry. Later, Carla comes back in a panic. She confides to Lilith and Rebecca that she did the worst thing she possibly could have done: she slept with Hill. Lilith explains to a confused Carla that she and Hill have the classic compulsion/repulsion relationship. Carla is not only confused but she feels that she betrayed Sam. Carla has to come to some resolution with both Sam and Hill about the issue.

Frasier has a massive headache, and no matter what he does, it won't go away. For Frasier, Lilith suggests he take an extreme measure: acupuncture or at least acupressure. Believing it quackery, Frasier initially won't do it, until... The process isn't quite what Lilith expects. What will go away if the US government and Woody have their way is Henrí, whose Visa has run out. Henrí mentions that a way he could stay is to marry a US citizen, an idea on which Kelly picks up, with her being the bride. Woody doesn't like the idea. Woody and Kelly have an argument over it, which pushes Kelly into marrying Henrí, she believes only "on paper". They would get divorced immediately after, but Henrí may have other thoughts. This action by Kelly could jeopardize Woody's immediate future plan to ask Kelly to marry him, and thus jeopardize their long term future together.

Everyone isn't loving Norm, but rather trying to gross him out. They're trying to see what gross things they can think of that would be so off-putting as to make him stop drinking beer. It ends up being a near impossible task, until... Paul isn't feeling the love from the guys. He feels left out of Norm and Cliff's outings. Norm and Cliff try to make it up to him, but Norm and Cliff being Norm and Cliff... Sam isn't feeling the love from Rebecca. After six months of trying to conceive a baby, so far unsuccessfully, Rebecca thinks they should go to a fertility clinic to check themselves out. Sam is squeamish about doing so. Once Rebecca finds out that there is nothing wrong with her, she assumes that Sam is infertile. Still squeamish, Sam finally does end up going to the clinic for tests. But Sam is still so anxious about the results and is bothering Carla so much about it, Carla unilaterally decides to put Sam out of his misery, which ultimately affects Lilith. And Frasier isn't feeling the love from Lilith. They are preparing their wills. Frasier, squeamish about talking about his mortality, feels Lilith is being too clinical about the life and death of the supposed love of her life.

It's freezing outside and so is Sam and Rebecca's relationship. The stress of not having yet conceived a baby is causing Sam and Rebecca to fight continually, so much so that sex-machine Sam doesn't want to have sex, even on Rebecca's ovulating day. Sam talks Frasier into giving him and Rebecca a stay at a luxury hotel suite that Frasier and Lilith can no longer use. Sam thinks it might rekindle some romance into their sex life. At the hotel, both Sam and Rebecca meet other hotel guests which make them think further about what they are about to do. Each also fantasizes about their future life together, and in Sam's fantasy about their child who is also named Sam. Meanwhile back at the bar, the guys need a way to beat the winter blahs. Paul suggests they try a polar bear swim, something he did as a child. Norm and Cliff and Woody and Frasier all go off, enthused and invigorated by the idea. What Paul failed to mention was he grew up in Hawaii. But will their outing be, as usual, all talk and little action?

It's Elvis' birthday, and Elvis-fanatical Carla believes that he will make his presence known today. By the end of the day, she will get a visit from a King of a different sort. Meanwhile, Sam has some hair problems. He needs a hair cut - in his own mind, it is a need. Tony, his hair stylist, has been in a serious car accident, and is thus unable to cut Sam's hair. Sam is devastated, not for Tony but for himself. Woody offers to cut Sam's hair for him, and although initially reluctant, Sam does let Woody do the job. The resulting cut ultimately makes Sam feel like he owes one to Woody in return. Frasier decides to bring yet another one of his therapy groups, namely a low self-esteem group, into the bar to expose them to a real world social situation. They start off slowly, but Norm, Cliff and Paul, with their regular bar chatter, help them out. Ultimately, they all come to a common point of discussion: pompous fool Frasier Crane. What will Frasier think of his group's new self-esteem based on him as the target?

The bar's furnace is on the fritz, so Rebecca calls the furnace company to fix the problem. While she's got them on the phone, she has to crawl in through the vent in the wall - usually covered by a grate - to get some information. Carla uses this opportunity to put the grate back into place and leave Rebecca locked in the vent in the wall. Later, on Paul's advice, Rebecca tries to get back at Carla with a similar stunt, but... With other official bar business, Sam offers the bar employees a medical plan, for which each employee must take a blood test. Carla refuses as she's scared of needles. Frasier uses his psychiatric skills to get Carla over her fear. Meanwhile, Woody and Kelly are having their official engagement party, at which Woody will meet for the first time Grandmother Gaines, who has a reputation for being tough as nails. Equally as troublesome for Woody is that he cannot afford Kelly's engagement ring and is forced to work a second job at a graveyard to pay for it. The second job takes its toll on Woody as he's not getting any sleep and is further exhausted by selling his blood. This day is particularly bad as he further took his employee blood test at the bar, and had a tough night at the graveyard with the difficult burial of Mrs. Jane Vanderhoeven, whose casket kept on popping open. What's worse is that he forgot that the Gaines' moved the day of the party up one day to today. Woody's in no real shape to go, but he has no choice. At the party, Woody is still a little woozy, but he has to meet Grandmother Gaines. Woody is totally freaked when he meets Grandmother Gaines: he swears that she is the supposedly deceased Mrs. Jane Vanderhoeven, the woman he buried last night. Grandmother Gaines wants to have a private talk with Woody, for which he is obviously frightened. Woody's fright is taken to a new level by what Grandmother Gaines has to say to him.

After getting one of his jokes published in a postal newsletter, Cliff thinks he's the jokemeister of Boston. However, only Lilith appreciates his brand of humor. He wants Rebecca to have a comedy night at Cheers starring himself, but Rebecca suggests he go to a comedy club open mic night, which he does, exposing a few and diminishing number of other Bostonians to his brand of humor. Back at the bar, Sam breaks a tooth on a shell that was in some crab salad from Melville's. Despite the fact that the salad was given free to Woody, Sam vows to sue to get even with his nemesis, John Allen Hill. Beyond that, Sam pickets outside of Melville's, telling his story, or a more fanciful version, to anyone who will listen. Hill admits that Sam's act, however futile, is causing his business harm and thus decides to settle with Sam. However, Hill may have more up his sleeve to beat Sam once again. Elsewhere in the bar, Carla is proud to announce that her second oldest son, Gino, has decided to become a priest. Carla is the proudest she's ever been, not so much for Gino's sake, but for herself. She believes that the parents of priests and nuns have what she calls a "free ticket out of hell" card, i.e. she will go to heaven no matter how evil her life is. She takes this opportunity to be mean to everyone in sight and relishes the act. Carla doesn't account for the fickle mind of a teenager, and she may have to make the ultimate sacrifice to get her ticket back into heaven.

For Frederick's second birthday, Sam takes him, and by association Frasier and Lilith, to a Nanny G concert, she being a famous children's entertainer. Woody tags along just because he loves Nanny G. Someone else unexpected once loved Nanny G as well. At the theater, Frasier is certain that he knows her from somewhere, and he finally figures out that she is really Nanette Guzman, his first wife about who he has never told Lilith. Frasier and Nanette married and divorced when they were very young - when Frasier was still in medical school - and he hasn't seen or thought about her since then. When Nanny G wanders through the audience, she instantly recognizes him, a fact Frasier, Lilith and the rest of the audience obviously realize when Nanny G passionately kisses Frasier. Lilith is angry, but Frasier and Nanette apologize to her. As an act of good faith, Nanny G offers to perform at Frederick's private birthday party. Lilith reluctantly lets it happen despite the fact that the emotions between Frasier and Nanette were once obviously very strong, and still very well may be. Frasier has to decide if Lilith or Nanny G is more important to him. Lilith and Nanny G may decide that for themselves.

There is a new postal uniform which Cliff refuses to wear despite never having seen it. Twitchell, the bar's postal delivery man, threatens to report Cliff unless he complies. Twitchell does report Cliff by bringing in postal inspector Henderson, who will suspend Cliff unless he complies. Once Cliff sees the flashy, sequin-trimmed uniform, Cliff changes his mind and wears the new uniform proudly. However, there's something about the uniform that Cliff doesn't know. Meanwhile, Woody's naive cousin, Russell, comes to Boston for a visit. Once they hear him, Sam and Rebecca hire Russell to sing and play the piano at the bar for tips. Russell is somewhat obsessive once he gets his mind set on something, and his newest fixation is Rebecca. When she confronts him about his supposed crush, he says he doesn't have one. In reality he has an all consuming love, as expressed by the semi-nude mural of Rebecca he's painted on his motel room wall. Rebecca has to figure out how to let him down gently, or so she thinks.

The guys decide to have a poker game in the back room. Sam is a bit hesitant to play as he doesn't want to leave Rebecca alone in charge of the bar. Rebecca is offended by this notion, so Sam does join the poker game and leaves Rebecca in charge. Rebecca is invigorated by this challenge. One of her first challenges is that a letter comes back with insufficient postage. It is the renewal for the bar's liquor license, which has now expired because of the undelivered letter. Rebecca was supposed to send it in two weeks ago. Rebecca doesn't want Sam to know about this blunder. As Carla finds out that they can get the renewal done in person tomorrow, Rebecca does whatever she can to manage and run the bar without the license for the day. A wrench may be thrown into the proceedings by a disgruntled neighbor. By the end of the day, Rebecca's reputation as not only a competent business person, but a competent person, period, is on the line. If she's not, things could come crashing down around her.

Frasier has decided that he needs to get in shape. Rather than go with his original plan of hiring a personal trainer, Frasier takes Sam up on his offer to train him for free. After one hellish day of training for Frasier where Sam just sits and watches and eats donuts, Frasier has had enough and will do whatever he needs to to keep Sam away. Meanwhile, Woody has just returned from an all expenses paid trip to London with Kelly, paid for by the Gaines family. Woody has returned a changed man: pompous and affected by the English ways. After everyone in the bar gets mad at him, Woody makes a Freudian slip and calls himself Woody Gaines. He then realizes that he has indeed changed because of this trip and his access to the Gaines family money. He thinks perhaps it wouldn't be a good idea to marry Kelly and her money. Kelly is heartbroken when Woody tells her, and she turns to the only person around for support: an uncomfortable Norm. Norm suggest she try living like Woody, an example being to travel via the subway. This task may be difficult since she doesn't even know what the subway is. If they are to stay together, Woody and Kelly have to come to an understanding about how they will live monetarily.

Betty Sternin, Lilith's mother, is coming to Boston for a visit. Frasier is dreading the thought as Betty is not the most easy going person in the world and Lilith cannot stand up to her mother. Frasier vows not to argue with Betty during her visit. Even Betty gets the best of Carla. Since Betty missed her daughter's wedding, she wants Frasier and Lilith to renew their vows. Betty takes control of the situation. Lilith, feeling steamrolled into doing something she doesn't want to do, has to get up the nerve to stand up to her mother for the first time in her life. Meanwhile, Sam finagles a trip to Atlantic City with Debbie, a dumb blonde he meets in the bar. Norm asks Sam to make a large bet for him, which comes through. Rebecca and Sam hope Norm will apply his large windfall to his ever growing bar tab. Subtle hints don't seem to be working. Less than subtle hints don't seem to be working either. But Norm has his own plans for the money.

As Lilith is going away for family business, she entrusts Frasier with taking care of her beloved lab rat, Number 17A, whom she coins Whiskers. Frasier brings Whiskers to the bar, and promptly loses him. Since Frasier can't find Whiskers, he decides to buy a rat from the pet store and train it to pass it off as Whiskers. Meanwhile, the arrival of Mitch Ganzell, an old baseball buddy, prompts Sam to follow in Mitch's footsteps and try-out for the Red Sox' farm team as a relief pitcher, this despite their respective ages. Miraculously, they both make the farm team. However only Sam makes it to the team as Mitch comes down with a sudden injury courtesy of Whiskers. Carla decides to visit Sam while he's on the road pitching. Although Sam is pitching well, he admits to Carla that he really hasn't been able to go back to life as it was the first time around, namely to the carousing and pranks of the younger guys. He hates his new old life. Unless the other players can change to Sam's mentality, Carla has to try to help him exit baseball gracefully the second time around, although she may have her own ulterior motives in doing so.

Prior to their wedding, Kelly wants to get to know all of Woody's friends. She's been spending quality time with them at the bar. They all have their own reason for liking Kelly around. Sam's beloved Corvette has been stolen, after which he starts a support group for people who have had their high performance cars stolen. The group is beneficial to Sam and to the others in the group, but its usefulness becomes moot for Sam when something more beneficial happens. And something beloved returns to Rebecca's life, namely Mark Newberger, her high school boyfriend and her first real love. Rebecca is excited to see Mark again, even more so after the fact as it supports what she thought she would feel: that Mark is and was the one man for her, the one she shouldn't have let get away and the one she won't let get away now that she has this second chance with him. But what is obvious to the rest of the world isn't obvious to Rebecca in why a Mark/Rebecca coupling is never going to happen. In her oblivion, Rebecca pursues Mark like a banshee.

Rebecca has been chosen as one of six Boston businesswomen to get a makeover for Redbook magazine. She's excited by it, but ultimately goes a little overboard with the makeover itself. Meanwhile, Sam has found out that Gary of Gary's Olde Towne Tavern has sold his bar. Sam wants to start a new rivalry with the new owner of Gary's, a guy by the name of Frank Carpaccio, especially since they won't have any history of Cheers' underdog status in the bar wars. Woody, Carla, Norm and Cliff go along with Sam on the continued rivalry. When Carpaccio's retaliatory prank seems to be more than just a prank, Sam learns that Frank Carpaccio is a mob boss, whose nickname is the Angel of Death. Because of Carpaccio's evilness, the police will not provide Sam and Cheers any protection. Sam believes that Gary is still pulling a prank, he wanting to see the Cheers gang humiliated by pandering to a supposed mob boss. So Sam, Woody, Carla, Norm and Cliff go down to Gary's to meet with Carpaccio, who ends up looking like the stereotypical Italian mob boss. Pretending to apologize to Carpaccio and ask for forgiveness, the Cheers gang instead pull the fire alarm, setting off the bar's sprinkler system. Carpaccio vows to kill them all, their families and pets. Later, the FBI, who heard about what the gang did to Carpaccio, want Sam and the gang to testify against Carpaccio. The FBI offers witness protection to the five, which means they have to take off immediately in a bus waiting outside the bar. Does this mean that they will have to leave Cheers and Boston forever? Or is Gary behind this prank as he has been all the other times? Or...?

Norm convinces Sam to install a satellite dish at Cheers. Carla finds a cheap, used dish, however it does not come installed. Despite not knowing how to do it, Sam and Woody tackle the installation task. During their work, Sam and Woody have a philosophical chat as, while they think of satellites, ponder the meaning of the universe. Meanwhile, Cliff has submitted a joke to The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1962) hopefully for Johnny Carson to use in his opening monologue on Doc's birthday. The joke: "Today is Doc Severinsen's birthday. You know, Doc is so old, when he was a kid, he never blew out candles on his birthday cake. They didn't have fire yet." It is obviously rejected by NBC. However Norm doctors the rejection letter to make it look like an acceptance letter, since Cliff is feeling so down. When Cliff reads the letter, he's elated, so much so, he buys three round trip tickets to Los Angeles, planning to watch Johnny's show live when his joke should be used. The three lucky, or unlucky, souls are Cliff, Ma and Norm. Cliff expects not only that his joke will be used but that Johnny will invite him on air. Although nervous about ultimately revealing the truth to Cliff, Norm has a great time in Hollywood, as does Cliff and Ma. At the show, Norm still can't tell Cliff the truth, and instead bribes the cue card guy into putting the joke into the monologue. Norm has to hope that after the certain bomb of the joke, that he won't be found out as the one who placed it in the cue cards or that Cliff won't make a fuss. Norm may be pleasantly surprised, with a little help from Ma Clavin.

The Gaines family has recruited Sam and crew to provide liquor and bartending services at the wedding, and as we'd expect, everything goes wrong. Woody is randy for Kelly, while the rest of the gang learns Mr. Gaines would gladly have Woody killed if he learned Woody and Kelly had premarital relations; Kelly tears her dress, and it's seamstress Cliff to the rescue; and the minister has a heart attack and dies in the kitchen, leading the gang to try and keep the dead body hidden in the dumbwaiter and to recruit a last-minute replacement, a completely wasted member of the Gaines family who we learn, after the gang sobers him up, that he hates weddings, leading them to re-inebriate him. And outside the kitchen in the courtyard, the family Dobermans attack everyone who tries to walk past.