A clueless Trojan general must meet an unbeatable Greek warrior on the battlefield.
From the director of Revenge of the Nerds (1984) comes this outrageous sword and sandals spoof. Horny King Looney of Troy sends slacker general Awesomest Maximus to maintain peace with rival King Erotic of Greece. But when Prince Orlando, who's more into fashion than fighting, steals the King's wife Ellen to be his BFF, it's war.—Anonymous
Awesomest (Will Sasso) is a stupid general in Troy. His father in law is King Looney (Rip Torn). His right hand man is Quantus who keeps winning wars for Awesomest & keeps him alive. Awesomest is not happy in his marriage and visits strip clubs to entertain himself.Orlando (Gary Lundy) is Loony's gay son. Awesomest wife is princess Hotessa (Kristanna Loken). Hotessa is worried that Loony may name Orlando to be the next king of Troy.
Loony sends Awesomest to help Orlando to treaty with Greeks & to not provoke a war. This is the first time Awesomest was sent on an important mission, alone and Hotessa tells him not to mess it up as she wants to be Queen. The Greek king Erotic (Khary Payton) is a weirdo sex dude character (in a "dont leave him alone with kids" kind of way) & Testachillies (Ian Ziering) is his best warrior who is a irritating man prostitute himself. The legend was that when Testachillies was born his mum (a Godess) dipped him into a magic river to make him indestructible, but because she was holding him by his balls, his testicles were vulnerable.Testachillies does not respect Erotic, but Erotic keeps him around as Testachillies is a fine warrior.
Orlando is having a good time with Ellen (Erotic's wife) (Sophie Monk) dressing her up & so on & asks her to come to Troy with him (Ellen agrees when Orlando says he has a huge trust fund. Ellen is also excited that a war will be fought over her). Awesomest agrees to take Ellen to Troy when she exposes her boob to him.Loony is happy that Orlando is not a fairy & grants refuge to Ellen. Erotic wants Testachillies to fight for him (as it will bring him glory and people will remember his name) & Testy asks his mum Milfia for her permission. Milfia has the hots for Testachillies and says he will die if he goes to Troy. Testachillies chooses to leave, to escape his mom.Hotessa is afraid that Loony will make Orlando King & sends Awesomest to the F'Ers to consult the gods. The F'Ers are diseased priests who perv on nubile, naked, young women (Ellen was already there, dancing for the F'Ers) & pretend to consult the gods. F'Ers are high on pot and tell Awesomest to pick a number between 1 and 10,000. He picks 300. They tell Awesomest to fight the Greek with 300 men.
Testachillies brings his cousin (who is a dim witted idiot) with him on the trip. Meanwhile Awesomest refuses to induct a dwarf names Minorities (Tony Cox) in his army because he is colored. Minorities is hurt & swears revenge. Testachillies goes ahead of the main fleet and wants to take the beach all by himself, but his crew is not so sure and wants to wait to attack with the entire fleet. His entire crew is killed from arrows from the beach.Once in Troy, Testy refuses to fight because of the bad tent Erotic gave him. In the treaty talks with Troy, Erotic takes a liking to Orlando, but the talks fail & he attacks. The 300 fight & push the Greek off the cliffs. Awesomest falls as well (Quantus was happy to be rid of him, as Awesomest irritated him).Loony gives Orlano the beloved sword of Troy and asks him to keep it safe.
Ellen gives Hotessa a dildo (since she is a widow now) while Erotic seduces Minorities with titties to show him a way over Troy walls.But Awesomest survives the fall & is captured & sold off as a slave to a gladiator show runner. The runner has a contract from Erotic to hold a show in Troy & he trains Awesomest to prepare him for the event. Awesomest learns that his father dropped his kid over a cliff during a thunderstorm and then adopted the son of his maid, to bring up as his own. Awesomest trains hard & kicks ass at the event. He even kills testy's cousin who arrives at the event to prove himself to Testy. When Testy finds out he arrives at the arena to kill Awesomest (where Awesomest was being tortured by Erotic using fat ladies to sit on him), but he runs back into Troy city.Minorities tells Erotic to construct a giant dick with Greek soldiers inside to penetrate the walls of troy.
As Greeks emerge from the penis & ravage Troy, Awesomest challenges Erotic for a 1:1 duel & Erotic puts Testy in front of him. Awesomest fights Testy & is losing when he figures that Testy has his weakness in his balls & hits him hard there. Testachillies falls.Awesomest saves Troy. Orlando & Erotic profess their love for each other & end the war. Ellen is a lesbian with Hotessa & moves in with her & Awesomest.
