ACTUALLY USEFUL INTERNET ACRONYMS
Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz decides to launch a YouTube-style vlog series and discovers that "the interwebs" are full of useless acronyms. Setting the format for the series (where Doofenshmirtz essentially uses his channel to air his various and numerous gripes), Heinz complains that he doesn't get it. But instead of stopping there, he decides to share a few "brilliant" ideas of his own.
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I CAN HAZ CAT PICTURES?
The internet is full of cats. I'm not sure why. I'm also not sure why they insist on terrible grammar and spelling practices, but I'm convinced that it is bad for the children of America.
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Call Me Maybe' Is Not Crazy!
I've got a bone to pick with Carly Rae Jepsen and her endlessly catchy song "Call Me Maybe." I mean, everyone likes the song, okay, but has anyone actually ever stopped to REALLY THINK about the lyrics? No? Sounds like a job for Doof.
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THE DOOF REPLIES
Prepare to have your minds blown, internet minions, because the Doof is about to reply to YOU. Well, maybe not "YOU" personally unless you're like one of the 4 people who I specifically responded to - you get the point.
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THE CRUEL JOKE THAT IS 'PLATYPUS DAY'
In the long list of things that deserve to be celebrated, secret agent platipi really rank up there above evil scientists. Wait, is that right? Platipi? Or is it platypuses? Platypieces? Hmm. Seriously I'm gonna go look that up.
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DR. DOOF VS. INTERNET MYSTERIES
The web is full of all kinds of weird unknowns that people just ignore. Well, in this groundbreaking exposé I'm going to tear the lid right off the internet crazy bin and reveal to you those dark questions that everyone is afraid to ask.
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BABY BIEBER FEVER
Listen up, internet. I have an announcement to make and it's SUPER IMPORTANT, so pay attention.
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THE GOSSIP GIRL WHO IS ACTUALLY A GOSSIP GUY
You know what? The internet has perfected the human art of wasting time. To think, one second you're looking up a pair of shoes, and the next you are transformed into a crazed devotee to a TV show that was popular like a year ago.
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NEIL PATRICK HARRIS EXPOSED
What's that you say? Now Neil Patrick Harris is hosting the Emmy's, now? That's cool, because I'm going to completely Troll NPH and reveal all his evil scientist secrets on the interweb for everyone to see.
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CRAY CRAY CRONUTS
Doof dishes out $1000 to try the latest in culinary breakthroughs - THE CRONUT. In this week's 'Doof's Daily Dirt' webisode, Doof's inspiration borders on obsession as he attempts to trump the latest food craze.
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FOOD TRUCK FAIL
Did you know that "Food" is actually "Doof" spelled backwards? Anyways, what is it with all these hipsters and eating food off the back of a truck? I mean, REALLY? Eating at a stationary location is "too mainstream" for you?
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DOOF'S LIFE HACKS
I've recently discovered this thing called "Life Hacks" - which is way less nefarious sounding than it actually is, mind you - and I was so inspired that I decided to make my own: DOOF HACKS.
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ASHTON KUTCHER'S DOOF CHOICE AWARD
Everyone is so proud of Ashton Kutcher and his inspirational speech at that award show, but I think that during the flood of adulations and congratulations we're forgetting something much more important: ME.
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DOOF DOES VINE

Wed, Oct 02, 2013
So everyone is up in arms about this thing called "VINE." I don't get what the big deal is. What can you really say in only 6 seconds of video? Well - as it turns out - not a lot.
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THE DOOF RAPS ON RAP (SO META)
Hey Doofions. I was feeling generous this morning so I decided to answer a few of your questions in the comment section. What can I say? I'm a giver.
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DOOFING IS THE THING
Watch out PLANKING, TWERKING and HARLEM SHAKING. Here comes the latest nonsensical internet trend of the minute: DOOFING.
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GET READY FOR HEINZ-O-WEEN!
October is nearly over and it's almost time to celebrate my favorite scary holiday. What's that? "Halloween," you say? Oh, no, dear Doofions - I'm talking about a holiday that is MUCH better, and MUCH scarier. That's right: HEINZ-O-WEEN.
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PRE-CHRISTMAS

Wed, Nov 06, 2013
Funny thing I noticed at the store the other day: suddenly Christmas decorations are, like, EVERYWHERE. What's with that? We haven't even gotten to Thanksgiving and we're already skipping to the next holiday: it's PRE-CHRISTMAS.
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600 EPISODES (NOT REALLY)
It's our 600th episode (that's a lie) and to celebrate I have a (less than) spectacular surprise for all you faithful Doof-ions. Trust me, you'll love it (probably not).
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THE FACE BOOK (No, that's not a typo)
Hey Doof-ions. Your fearless and incomprehensibly handsome overlord has discovered a trendy, shiny, new web-thingie that only super-cool internet insiders know about: THE FACE BOOK. Let me tell you all about it.
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WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY? COSPLAY!
Not to be an internet hipster or anything, but I just have to say that I was already dressing like a fox and Eurodancing in the woods WAY before it was cool.
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THE SNICKERDOODLE IS A LIE!
Doof has a new topic he'd like to discuss this week. Minecraft? No. Dr Who? Not really. Actually, it's something much more important than all those things: BAKE SALES , AND THE FACT THAT THEY ARE TOTALLY LAME.
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PONIES, ANIME AND BUBBLE TEA
Hey Doofions, I'm back with another response to one of your comments. Honestly, if this was an Upworthy post, I might title it "A kid asks Doof a random question, you won't believe what happens next"
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WHY I HATE GOING TO THE MOVIES!
Hey there, Doofions. Ready for another rip-roaring installment of Doof Daily? Me too. This week, I tackle the subject on everyone's mind: WHY GOING TO THE THEATER IS A TERRIBLE IDEA. Real talk.
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THE DOOF GOES DIVERGENT (AND HANGRY)
WHAZUP INTERNET. Do you like movies like Twilight? Divergent? Hunger Games? Well, then you have TERRIBLE taste in movies. But, that's okay, because there are a TON of you, so I might as well jump on the bandwagon.
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