After being initiated into cannibalism by deranged home invaders on her prom night, Tipsy Canoe joins them, and learns the secret of immortality: consuming those who love you. Over the course of centuries of aimless debauchery and violence Tipsy begins to age since she can't find love. Desperate to stay young, she plans to get everyone to love her by becoming famous, so she tells her life story to an author and forces him to write a book about it.