Summaries

Synopsis

History of the Vampires: In 1870, vampires began to get organized.American vampires met in Chicago and founded the Capa Nostra Society,making Johnny Terrori their president. European Vampires met in Dusseldorfto create the Vampire Group and elected Count Dracula as their leader. Oneof Dracula's sons, the scientist Werner Amadeus von Dracula, began workingon an anti-sun formula. In 1905, after years of testing his formula onvampire dogs, Werner tried it on a vampire, but it failed miserably.Werner was laughed out of Europe, so he took his young nephew Joseph andmoved to Cuba where he perfected a new formula based on rum and pinacolada that he called "Vampisol". Werner fed this formula to his nephewand found it so successful that young Joseph, now known as Pepe, grew upin the hot Cuban sun and had no idea that he was really a vampire. It isnow 1933. A cold war has broken out between the American Capa NostraSociety and the European Vampire Group, both desiring world domination ofthe vampire community. Cuba has its own problems, being ruled by a tyrantnamed General Machado. Pepe, now a young man, plays trumpet at ClubPepito's and has joined the Cuban Underground in their fight againstMachado. Pepe is also about to be drawn into the cold war between Europeanand American vampires.

Werner von Dracula has contacted the European Vampire Group with anoffer to make Vampisol available free to all vampires. At the same time,the American Capa Nostra Society, after developing a number of vampire"beaches" in New York, San Francisco, and Chicago where vampires can swimand surf shielded from the sun (for a pretty penny), has sent theirrepresentative, Mr Goingdown, to approach the European Vampire Group witha plan to open the first European vampire beach in Dusseldorf. Fearingthat Dusseldorf Beach will give Johnny Terrori worldwide dominance overvampires (and their money), the Vampire Group denies the request. Instead,they begin plotting to obtain the formula for Vampisol in order to marketit themselves. With exclusive rights to Vampisol, they figure that therewill be no need for vampire "beaches", which will effectively put the CapaNostra Society out of business. Unfortunately for the European vampires,Mr Goingdown, who had been reduced to ashes and flushed down the toilet,managed to get a phone call to Johnny Terrori...but not quite in time.

Back in Chicago, Terrori has just made a deal with gangster Al Taponeto fund Dusseldorf Beach, based on the success of other American vampirebeaches. Just after Tapone warns Terrori that, if he doesn't pay it backin two months at 300% interest Tapone will "put the screws" on him,Terrori gets Mr Goingdown's call and learns about Vampisol and how, ifVampisol is distributed free to all vampires, it will crumble his domain(and cost his life) as vampires will no longer use his protected beaches.Vampires will now be able to hunt babes on the Riviera and give up havingto sleep in boxes during the day. Terrori's only out is to destory theformula and stake Werner.

Meanwhile, Pepe's mission in the Cuban Underground is to seduceMachado's wife and learn when he sleeps. When Machado's wife opens thespecial locks on the bedroom windows to let in Pepe, the plan is that histhree faithful Underground companions will also be able to enter the room.Pepe's girlfriend Lola, after learning about the plan, is angry. Pepeensures Lola that he loves her, that he wants to marry her, and that histrysts with Machado's wife are strictly business and involve no touching.While Pepe serenades Lola with his trumpet and Lola dreams of the 14 kidsthey're going to have, a freighter is arriving in the Havana harbor. Atruck marked simply "Flowers" embarks and drives away with Johnny Terroriand his gang inside. At the same time, a shipment of boxes from Dusseldorfhas also arrived, and they are being transported to Werner von Dracula'shouse.

Werner is excited. Not only have the members of the European VampireGroup arrived, but tonight he plans to tell Pepe about his vampireheritage. Pepe has other plans, however, but he promises his uncle that hewill return later. Lola has obtained a position as a housekeeper forGeneral Machado, and tonight Pepe and his pals intend to raid Machado'ssafe. As planned, Machado's wife opens the window for Pepe, Pepe keeps herbusy with his trumpet-playing, and his three pals sneak in, open the safe,and steal some papers. Unfortunately, their escape plan fails when Machadowakes up and starts firing at them. They manage to escape along with Lola.Pepe also escapes, minus his clothes and trumpet mute. He returns to hisuncle but announces that he's in trouble with the law and must lay lowlest he get shot. Uncle Werner informs him that bullets won't hurt him,because he's a vampire. Pepe doesn't believe it until Werner transformsand shows his fangs. Then Pepe tries, and it happens to him, too.

Just as Pepe is trying out his new vampire wings and bemoaning theprobable end of his life with Lola, the Group from Dusseldorf arrives. AsWerner prepares to read the formula over Radio Vampire International, theGroup suddenly turns on Werner and demands the formula. Pepe attempts toburn it just as Johnny Terrori and his boys break in and Terrori grabs theformula from Pepe. Meanwhile, Machada has tracked down Pepe, and hispolice force breaks down the front door. Placing all hope on his nephew,Werner grabs the formula from Terrori, tosses it to Pepe, and breaks opena window so that Pepe can escape with it. Werner is promptly burned toashes along with some of the vampires, but Pepe escapes and is picked upby his pals who have been waiting outside.

While the vampire underground attempts to raise a yacht so that Pepecan escape Havana, Pepe goes in search of Machado. He finds him havingdrinks with his wife in the bar, so Pepe transforms himself into avampire. Unfortunately, Machado puts a bullet in Pepe's shoulder. Peperuns outside where he is immediately captured by the European Group whodemand the formula, but Pepe distracts them long enough to escape. He runsto Hideout 2 where he's been told that Lola is hiding. Pepe explains toLola about being a vampire, but she doesn't care. They run away with theUnderground but find that they're being pursued by Machado and the police.Pepe and Lola duck out in a theater. Also in the dark moviehouse are theEuropean vampires. They notice Pepe and the chase is on again. As Pepe andLola had for Hideout 3, they are spotted by Terrori who joins the pursuit.Pepe and Lola duck out in a motel, then escape through a window while thevampires are looking for him outside and Machado is distracted when hefinds his wife in bed with another man.

Pepe and Lola make it to Hideout 3. Thinking Lola will be safe, Pepegoes to the bar looking for his pals. While he is gone, one of theDusseldorf vampires finds Lola and turns her over to the Group. They forceLola to telephone Pepe so that they can demand the formula from him. WhenTerrori finds out from his werewolf spy that the Dusseldorf Group hasLola, they head over but cross paths along the way with Pepe who isspeeding on a motorcycle, hoping to save Lola. When Pepe arrives, theyhold a knife to Lola's neck, forcing Pepe to hand over the formula...justas Terrori arrives. Terrori wants the formula burned, but it gets tossedback and forth between Pepe, the Group, and Terrori. Terrori ends up withthe formula and starts to burn it while offering one last drink of O+ toPepe. Pepe takes a sip and spits it out.

Terrori realizes that Pepe has been taking the formula for so longthat he hates blood and is basically human. Disgusted, Terrori heads forhis car...and runs into Al Tapone, who is mad as hell that Terrori hasn'tpaid up. Tapone has Terrori staked, while Tapone strikes a deal with theEuropean Group to market Vampisol. Everyone departs together, leaving Lolaand Pepe to be rescued by the Underground, who announce that Machado hasbeen toppled.

While Tapone and the Underground congratulate themselves forobtaining the world market of Vampisol, they are surprised to hear Pepe onRadio Vampire International singing out the formula for Vampisol.

"On the night of the full moon, measure carefully, I beg,2 ounces of mint in a spoon, and add a chameleon's egg.3-1/4 ounces you must add of brown sugar, and no default!A lizard's heart must then be had.50 grams must be obtained of hummingbird's bleed, yesAnd lots of pina colada (pineapple that's strained) and a pinch ofpepper, I guess.Take shark extract that's rather thick and pour it in without delayAdd some rum, a swizzle stick and blend and blend away.Take some tulle to strain it through and set it to cool until it's blue."

Original Synopsis by bj_kuehl.