Satirical interpretations of world events and curious human behavior.
We watch the Onion News, America's Finest News Source, with Dana Dobbs, Senior Correspondent Kip Kendall, and award-winning anchor Norm Archer. In addition to watching the news, we see the program's commercials, some commentary on the film as it proceeds, and we watch some terrorists in training. Behind the scenes, Onion News's corporate owner, Global Tetrahedron, seeks synergy by promoting its other products within Norm's news broadcast. Norm doesn't like it, especially when a toy penguin (think Energizer Bunny) waddles across his desk promoting a Global Tetrahedron film starring Steven Seagal. But Norm may end up needing Steven's help.—<[email protected]>
Based on the wildly popular satirical newspaper hailed by The New Yorker as "the funniest publication in the United States," THE ONION MOVIE brings you uncensored, uninhibited, unrated news and views from around the world. And in a stunning development, when Onion News anchorman Norm Archer is asked to compromise his journalistic integrity to please a new corporate sponsor, he doesn't just get mad, he gets angry. Taking aim at pop stars, party games, prisoners and peace talks, THE ONION MOVIE delivers hard-hitting headlines - and side-splitting laughs.
A fictitious Onion television news anchorman, Norm Archer (Len Cariou), is forced to face the inevitability of a corporate takeover by the Onions perennial fictitious multinational, Global Tetrahedron. Onion news is described as "fair and balanced" in the context of the film. Global Tetrahedron has several seedy business interests, which are frequently reported on by the Onion News & hence Global Tetrahedron takes over Onion news & make it the company's private mouthpiece.
The plot serves as a springboard for various comedy sketches featuring The Onion's satirical humor. US military promising 1 ounce of weed on completion of 6 months of service to meet recruitment targets. GM calling back 2004 cars with neck bracelets as they cause decapitation. A masked armed gunman enters a bank & instead of robbing it, he asks for a job. He gets one, impresses everyone & gets a promotion & then ends up shooting another gunman who enters the bank to rob it.
Vignettes include parodies of music videos reminiscent of Britney Spears' work (alleging that all of her songs were overtly sexual in nature ("shoot your love all over me", "take me from behind" and finally "Your love like lollipop", and Steven Seagal appearing as a parody of the type of action hero he normally portrays. In this case portraying the character of "C**k-Puncher".
A terrorist in Pakistan watches the latest C**k-Puncher movie but is chastised & is made to watch "Terrorism made easy" video by Al-Utaya group. Simple stuff like being on time, checking the address that needs to be blown up, wearing the right clothing & shouting the right slogans.A white male acts like an African American (rapping, bling, pimped out car), gets arrested for robbery, gets picked in a lineup & is convicted for robbery (all for being as African American).
The film is interrupted (fictitiously) by film reviewers and commentators weighing in on the progress of the film, with one commentator preparing to stage an immediate walkout of all African American audience members unless a positive portrayal of an African American is inserted into the film.Queen Nathan II, a cruise specifically designed for gay men.
Racial stereotypes, Italians are mobsters, Peruvians like to stoop in at the last minute in a crisis, Puerto Ricans can dangle from a steel bar for hours, Danish like to talk to telemarketers, Arabs are terrorists, Irish have huge nipples.A new host game called "Who committed the sexual assault". an insensitive parody on the host game called "who committed the murder", which is designed as the murder mystery.
US Govt restricts smoking in US borders to a single room in Iowa. A gym instructor is deemed too fit to stand trial (with strong abs and thigh muscles). A man buys a computer which is obsolete by the time he reaches home. This happens with increasing frequency to the point that the computer is obsolete while he is buying it. The man goes to the owner of the computer company Gil Bates & kills him.
Due to overcrowding of prisons, the US govt moves 20,000 prisoners to a random selection of suburban homes.Norm Archer is angry with the new owners when they use his newscast to promote their new film 'C**k-Puncher'. They want him to actively promote it on the Friday news, which he is most unhappy with.A nerd who is very good at a fantasy game of wars, witches & warlords, wishes that he be allowed to live in the fantasy world forever. His wish is granted & he is transported to the fantasy world, where he is pounded to death by an ogre, promptly upon arrival.
A charity that vows to help underprivileged kids around the world by giving them all the luxury comforts of western life & turning them into obnoxious slobs.A company spends $ 400 Bn to develop a landmine that the military refuses to buy. with the future at stake, the company sells it to clear gardens of weed.Parody on disabled sportspeople. A legless & wrist less hockey player, a deaf sprinter, a comatose diver, a blind stock-car driver, etc. etc.
A weed high teenager is picked from a university campus by UN to broker peace between 2 warring eastern European countries. The guy does that by getting the 2 leaders on to weed. It works to start with, but then the 2 leaders start fighting about weed & continue their war.
On the day of the release for "C**k-Puncher", Norm makes a decision. But before he can resign on live TV, he is abducted by 2 terrorists who ask the Govt to apologize for US's decadent ways to secure Norm's release. C**k-Puncher Steven Seagal comes to the rescue & fights the terrorist aides by C**k-punching them. The terrorist's balls are blocked by a landmine, but the Peruvians arrive at the last minute & remove the landmine with their eye lasers. C**k-Puncher then punches the terrorists in the balls to defeat them.
