Summaries

Synopsis

In the snow covered Alaskan town of Mystery, Stevie WEEKS (Ryan Northcott) is skating the river, a feat that requires much skill and speed. JOHN Biebe (Russell Crowe), the town sheriff, unsuccessfully tries to start his car with his two sons. His wife, DONNA (Mary McCormack), tells him to take the snow mobile because she is going to wait for the mail which will include a Sports Illustrated magazine containing an article about the town.

John and his sons ride into town stopping in front of the house of BAILEY Pruitt (Maury Chaykin). John gets off the snow mobile to help Bailey shovel since Bailey is older and overweight. After John finishes and prepares to leave, Bailey tells him to have a good game today.

In the locker room, which is a cabin on a hill, players are getting ready for the Saturday game. SKANK Marden (Ron Elder) comes in and tells the guys about hooking up with a local girl named Sarah. Skank starts telling the guys about the girl being heavier than you would think and makes unflattering comments comparing her to a walrus. John walks in and kicks Kevin HOLT (Brent Start) warning him not to kill any more wolves. TREE Lane (Kevin Durand) points out that John is not the sheriff while in the locker room to which John responds he is just worrying about his teammate's freedom. Connor BANKS (Michael Buie) mentions about how Weeks has been skating the river, and there are rumors that he will be replacing one of the players in the game soon.

The guys come out of the cabin and skate down a winding path to the rink, a large open ice area with no boards that has stands on one side full of townsfolk. After a warm up skate, all the players toss their sticks into a pile. John's older son blindly distributes the sticks to one of two sides picking the teams. One side now gets brown jerseys to put over theirs to distinguish the teams.

The game has no refs and begins with two centers having a make-shift face-off. Early on in the game, the puck is passed to a wide-open John who takes a weak shot at the net that is easily saved. The three council members sitting together watching the game discuss whether they need to replace John in the game with Weeks.

The game continues as BIRDIE Burns (Scott Grimes) hogs the puck which is stolen by John leading to an offensive rush the other way and a goal by Tree. Weeks is watching the game in the stands sitting next to his girlfriend, MARLA Burns (Rachel Wilson), who comments he will be playing in the game soon. The two start kissing until Marla's father, JUDGE Walter Burns (Burt Reynolds), smacks Weeks over the head with a newspaper chastising the two for the PDA.

Donna arrives at the game with the magazine and runs up to her friend MARY JANE Pitcher (Lolita Davidovich), the mayor's wife. The two bring the magazine to her husband, Mayor SCOTT Pitcher (Colm Meaney), commenting how the mayor should have first look.

Scott reads the article in voice over while the game plays on which explains the role hockey plays in the town. Every Saturday, members of the town play against each other. A council of town fathers decide who plays and by what rules. The entire town attends the games. After a goal by Banks, the article continues to be read by Birdie in the locker room after the game. The article mentions many players by name. The article finishes saying the team of Mystery could rival any NHL team when it comes to pure skating ability.

Conversation about the article continues at the Burns' house over dinner. JOANNE Burns, Judge's wife and mother of Birdie and Marla, mentions how exciting it is for there to be an article about the town. Judge starts to talk negatively about the way Birdie played in the game today because of his lack of defense and reluctance to pass. Judge leaves the table upset, and Birdie comments that he is just jealous because he never made the Saturday game despite playing hockey in college. Joanne mentions a rumor about a chain store, Price World, possibly opening a store in the town which would negatively affect all the local businesses.

In Skank's trailer, Mary Jane and Skank are having sex. The next day, Skank, who is a teacher, has his class reading the magazine article aloud to practice reading. A couple of boys are talking in the back of the class. When Skank asks what about, the boy says he heard that John is out of the Saturday game and Weeks is moving up.

The council calls in John and tells him Weeks is moving up to the Saturday game, and John will now be first alternate. John goes back to the police station where Donna is already waiting for him. She is there to comfort him, but John insists he is fine. At the school, Skank is upset with Mary Jane for not telling him about the news since they are sleeping together. Mary Jane points out the two are committing adultery which is not exactly built on the on idea of trust. Scott shows up, and Skank voices his disagreement with the decision.

At the local diner, Weeks' friends are having a celebration for him making it into the game. John comes in with his son causing everyone to get quiet. John walks over and graciously congratulates Weeks. John gets a call over his police radio about a shooting. John shows up to the grocery store where Mr. WALSH (Michael McKean), a rep from Price World, is screaming while bleeding from a wound on his foot. John tries to speak with him, but he keeps yelling and insulting the town and its people. The man was shot by Banks, who is the town grocer. John approaches a handcuffed Banks and has his deputy Michan read him his rights. Banks is taken away, and Michan fills John in on what happened. Banks pulled a pistol and tried to scare Walsh by shooting near him, but the bullet ricocheted striking Walsh in the foot. Then John gets another call over his radio about a helicopter flying over town hall.

John arrives and CHARLIE Danner (Hank Azaria) gets out of the helicopter. Charlie grew up in the town and is the author of the magazine article. He also happens to be Donna's ex-boyfriend from high school. He approaches John who asks Charlie about calling John slow in the article. John asks why Charlie is back this time, and Charlie responds he's back to bring the NY Rangers. Charlie tells John and the council that the article gave someone the idea of having the Rangers play an exhibition game against the Mystery team.

A town hall meeting is held to provide details to the community and discuss whether the town wants the game. The question is raised whether Mystery would have a chance or would it be an embarrassing loss. Scott directs the question to John who says it would depend on rules. He points out the NHL plays 5-on-5 while Mystery plays 4-on-4. The NHL has boards and rules like icing, lines, etc. while Mystery does not. John says that no one other than Banks would stand a chance under those conditions. But John says if the game was played on a pond with open ice like Mystery normally plays, it would come down to skating and Mystery's skating ability would make it a fair match. Judge stands up and speaks out against the idea of the game for fear of embarrassment. Birdie stands up right after countering his father's viewpoint, and he's willing to play. This is followed by many of the other players chiming in and agreeing with Birdie. So, it's decided the town will accept the offer of the game.

After the meeting, John and Donna are talking in the car assuming John will be back on the team since there are only ten players on Mystery's team. However, Scott comes over and asks John to coach the team since Judge turned down the offer. John asks to think about it but eventually agrees to coach.

Marla accompanies Weeks on his job as a plow truck driver. She tries to initiate sex due to the fear of losing Weeks to another more sexually willing girl since he will now be more popular due to being in the Saturday game. Weeks says he wouldn't leave her because he loves her. This makes Marla want to have sex with Weeks even more, but when she puts on the condom, Weeks prematurely ejaculates. The couple, both virgins, sit back awkwardly not sure what to do.

Skank goes over to see Sarah, the girl he was talking about in the locker room, wanting to have sex to celebrate the good news about the game. Sarah, who is shoveling outside her house, tells Skank to lead the way inside, but as soon as he walks past her, Sarah hits him in the head with the shovel. As Skank looks up confused, Sarah repeats Skank's locker room comments about her before hitting him in the head again.

In court, Judge presides over a preliminary hearing for Banks' shooting case. Bailey, the town attorney, is representing Banks and requests a trial to start in the next week. Banks is worried about having the trial with the game coming up, but Bailey assures him that being the team's best player will benefit him with the game approaching.

In the locker room, John talks to the team about their rule that no one repeats anything said in the locker room and how Skank was injured because someone broke the rule. Holt confesses to being the one who broke the rule. As punishment, Holt has to skate around the guys naked then slide on his back on the ice into the snow.

Banks trial begins. Walsh from Price World is on the stand testifying. As Bailey starts his cross examination, he makes sure to mention how both Price World and the NY Rangers want to come to town. Judge chastises him about mentioning the game which Bailey apologizes for and makes a self-deprecating joke about his fatness. Bailey then asks Walsh about the rant he made when approached by John insulting the town and its people.

In the locker room, the team is getting ready for the Saturday game while ESPN is talking about the upcoming game between Mystery and the Rangers. They report the Rangers players are not happy about the game because it will take away from days they would normally be scheduled off. The game begins and Weeks is clearly nervous and struggling in his first game. While skating with his head down, he takes a big hit from Tree that knocks him out. John uses smelling salts to help wake Weeks up. John asks Weeks how many fingers he is holding up, and Weeks replies, with an embarrassing comment about his previous premature ejaculation. John and Tree help Weeks off the ice, and the game continues on 3-on-3. Donna and Charlie are sitting and talking in the stands laughing and joking with each other which is noticed by John.

The doctor is examining Weeks when the players come into the locker room after the game. Birdie comes over and asks how Weeks is doing. Weeks, still kind of loopy, stands up and makes a comment to Birdie about his sister's breasts. Birdie punches Weeks knocking him out again.

The jury for Banks' trial finds him not guilty. The jury also tries to order Price World to pay damages. Judge tells the jury they are not allowed to order damages in a criminal trial and vacates the order. He expresses his disappointment in the town prioritizing the game above what is right. Birdie stops in Judge's chambers after court and argues with Judge telling him Birdie is really by whom Judge is embarrassed. Judge tries to refute this, but Birdie leaves before he can.

John tries to talk Judge into coaching, but Judge turns him down. John and Donna talk about how boards are being used for sponsors and how the rink is changing to be less and less like a pond. John mentions to Donna that she's been smiling more since her ex Charlie came back to town. A TV reporter stars filming an interview with Skank but stops because she is so cold. Skank starts making inappropriate comments about how she could warm up. Mary Jane is looking over smiling at Skank which is noticed by her husband Scott. Later that night, Scott and Mary Jane are getting ready for bed when Scott finds Skank's chain on the floor next to the bed and realizes Mary Jane and Skank are having an affair. Scott shows the chain to Mary Jane and leaves the room.

Scott is watching the work on the rink when he is approached by Charlie who tells him the Rangers are no longer coming for the game. The players filed a grievance with their union. Scott punches Charlie in the face. John, mad after hearing the news, tells Donna he should arrest Charlie for fraud. The two get into an argument after Donna defends Charlie saying it's not his fault.

Judge is watching Bailey playing hockey with some younger kids. When Bailey approaches him, Judge tells him the NHL is taking the players' union to court over the game, and it may help for Mystery to have legal representation at the hearing as well as some legal arguments that can be made.

Mary Jane goes to Scott's ice fishing hut, where he has been staying, to talk. She tells him how neglected and undesired she feels by him because he never touches her. He hands her a handkerchief as she starts to cry, and it seems that the two may work it out.

At the court hearing, after some back and forth between the players' and league's attorneys, Bailey makes a passionate speech about how important the game is to their town. Bailey gets worked up talking about it and defending Tree, who has accompanied him, after he was insulted by the players' attorney. Bailey gets so worked up that he starts having a coughing fit, falls over, and dies. Back in Mystery, there is a funeral for Bailey attended by the whole town. Later that night, Judge is alone at Bailey's grave when he is approached by John. John tells Judge that Bailey's argument was successful, and the game is back on. John says since Judge sent Bailey to the hearing, Judge is now involved and should coach the team. Judge agrees to coach but also tells John he is back on the team as Captain. Various practice sessions are shown with Judge coaching all hours of the day.

Skank shows up at Scott and Mary Jane's house to apologize to Scott for the affair. Skank says he will do everything he can to help win the game for Bailey and for Scott since the game will be a reflection on him as mayor. The town holds a welcoming rally for the Rangers that arrive by helicopter. During the rally, John is approached by Michan who calls John away to deal with something.

Charlie is driving the Zamboni through town while drinking. John pulls him over. Charlie is resentful that no one seems to appreciate what he has done by bringing the game to the town. John points out that the town agreed to a game of pond hockey, but now they are playing with boards, refs, blue lines, etc. and if they lose the game 25-0, it is going to be very embarrassing for the town. This possibility never dawned on Charlie. Back at the house, John gives Donna a newspaper with all but the important words crossed out in a sweet gesture. John and Donna make up.

The day of the game is here. During a pre-game show, DONNY (Mike Myers) talks about how Mystery has no chance and is severely outmatched. Scott stops in to speak with Little Richard who will be signing the national anthem to ask for a favor. As the Rangers skate out onto the ice, the crowd opens up newspapers ignoring the Rangers but go wild when Mystery comes out. Little Richard comes out to sing the national anthem but does so in such a slow way the song takes much longer. He then sings the Canadian national anthem to delay things even more. The favor Scott has asked for was to delay things so the Rangers would be freezing as they are not accustomed to such low temperatures.

The game starts and the Rangers seem to be in control early on getting many shots on net. Mystery finally gets control of the puck behind their net. John takes his time eventually passing to Banks who passes to Weeks who has a step on the Rangers using his speed to get a breakaway and scores the first goal of the game. The commentators remark about Weeks' speed. As the game continues, the Rangers seem to be playing more physical. Tree responds with a big check on one of their players. The enforcer on the Rangers takes exception to this and ends up getting a penalty for trying to retaliate. On the power play, Banks scores giving Mystery a 2-0 lead as the first period ends.

Donny now loves the Mystery team praising them. The second period starts and early on, the Rangers enforcer checks Weeks over the boards into the Rangers' bench. The Rangers also start sending part of their team into the locker room to warm up between shifts. The Rangers dominate the second period scoring five unanswered goals making the score 5-2 when the second period ends.

Donny is now back to bashing the Mystery team and says they have no chance. In the Mystery locker room, Judge tells John to employ a defensive strategy for the third period that would keep the score close but won't give them a chance to come back. This infuriates John who gets fired up. John then gives a motivational speech, and the team gets fired up. As John goes back to Judge, it becomes obvious this is what Judge actually wanted to happen.

The third period begins, and John delivers a big check to the Rangers' enforcer sending him over the boards into the snow as payback for the earlier check on Weeks. The Rangers end up on a breakaway, but Holt makes an amazing save flipping over on his head. On the next play, Mystery does a great job forechecking leading to them stealing the puck and scoring on the resulting play. As play continues, a Ranger takes a slap shot. Skank lays down to block the shot resulting in him being hit directly in the groin. After being slow to get up, Skank points to Scott as he skates off letting him know that was for him.

There's 1:26 left in the game. Judge goes over the strategy since Mystery is still down 5-3. Mystery gets possession after the face-off and pulls their goalie for an extra attacker. Birdie has the puck. He is known for being a puck hog who doesn't pass, but when he is about to shoot, he fakes and passes to an open John who scores. The score is now 5-4 with 43 seconds left. Mystery makes a play where they get the puck to Banks who takes a shot right as time is about to expire, but the shot hits the crossbar as the game ends with Mystery losing 5-4. Judge starts clapping for the team which is joined by the crowd and even the Rangers. After the team shake hands, Birdie skates up to Judge who congratulates him on playing a great game.

The next day the Rangers are leaving. They are taking Weeks and Banks with them signing them to contracts to play for their minor league team. Marla says goodbye to Weeks worried because they haven't had sex yet. Weeks assures her that he will be back in a couple months. Scott, Mary Jane, John, and Donna are talking about Weeks and Banks being picked up by the Rangers. Scott makes a joke about how it is a shame that they can't take Skank as well and now John will be back in the Saturday game. Charlie comes up to say goodbye to John and Donna. John sincerely thanks Charlie for everything he did. John stops by Bailey's grave on the way home resting the game puck against the tombstone.