Summaries

Synopsis

Ralphie Parker lives with his parents, his little brother Randy, and Barkley the dog in the small Indiana town of Hohman outside Chicago which has a large steel mill. As adult Ralphie tells the audience, their neighbors are hillbillies named Bumpus who annoy Ralphie's Dad with their music and their numerous dogs. It is almost time to start summer vacation.

Ralphie wants to defeat Warren G. Harding School's new bully Lug Ditka in a game of Kill played with spinning tops. He comes close but is unable to ultimately defeat the bully's Mariah. Ralphie and his friends ride bikes to the bad side of town and look in a window of a store that has better tops.

Assigned a book report, Ralphie sneaks into his parents' bedroom and takes a copy of a very adult book ''The Decameron''. When he turns in the report, Miss Shields asks to see him. She says Ralphie did a good job but is not pleased with the fact Ralphie read such offensive content. She says she won't send a note home to his parent if he promises not to do it again.

Ralphie's Dad confronts the neighbors about their new outhouse, which he feels violates health codes. Big Dickie Bumpus tears the porch off his family's house, which discourages Ralphie's Dad from taking any further action. Later, a Bumpus family member forgets the porch is gone and falls into the muck below.

Ralphie and his friends buy candy from Pulaski, a very impatient storekeeper who insists the kids buy the candy he wants them to.

Randy doesn't shoot Ralphie's eye out with the BB gun but does shoot him in the rear.

Ralphie's Dad offers to take Ralphie fishing but warns him this will mean getting up at 4 in the morning.

Meanwhile, Ralphie's mom is going to the Orpheum Theater run by Leopold Doppler. Like many housewives, she is collecting a set of fine dishes. The first item was a gravy boat. On her next visit to the theater, the women find out the next item is yet another gravy boat because there was a shipping problem. Future visits mean still more gravy boats. Still, the women keep coming and playing Screedo and watching cartoons, shorts and features.

At 4 in the morning (or perhaps 3, since that's what time a Bumpus family member says it is) Ralphie's Dad blasts classical music, waking up all the neighbors. The Bumpus family decide this must be a hootenanny and they proceed to party. Ralphie and his Dad go fishing with two of Dad's buddies.

At the lake, numerous men had the same idea. But no one can catch anything. Ralphie's Dad blames the new innovation called TV, which he calls "radio with pictures".

Later in the summer, Ralphie learns about a store run by a Chinese man who sells even better tops. The other kids laugh at his brightly painted top, which he loses in a competition.

Ralphie's Dad tries again to annoy the Bumpus family in the middle of the night. On several occasions, Barkley gets the Bumpus dogs to chase him.

A tax assessor comes to list all the family's possessions. And all means all. Everyone on the street has to hide or move items that will otherwise get taxed. The assessor is very thorough. The elephant foot table is still there. Ralphie's mom claims the refrigerator came from the Salvation Army and that it is quiet now but it makes lots of noise. The assessor still believes it is from the department store.

The family goes to the Exposition in Chicago. Ralphie's Dad curses at a cop who stops traffic but when the cop confronts him, Dad acts very innocent and says he would never talk like that. Ralphie gets to go off by himself to a place he thinks will have a top that he can compete with Mariah with. A gypsy fortune teller pulls him into her tent and shows him a great top that looks just like Mariah. Ralphie calls the top Wolf and pays for it. Ralphie's Dad thanks the gypsy and gives her even more money.

Ralphie's friend Junior Kissel will have to move. Neighbors watch an auction where outsiders bid on every item in the Kissel house.

Ralphie's Mom goes to the theater one last time with numerous gravy boats. So do the women. As Doppler tells the women the shipment is on its way and they will get other items, Ralphie's Mom is the first of many to throw a gravy boat at Doppler. She has a big smile on her face as her mug shot is taken, then she is put in a cell with men.

Ralphie brings Wolf to one final competition with Mariah as the theme from "The Good, The Bad and the Ugly" plays. Eventually both tops disappear down the drain and the game ends in a tie.

Ralphie's Dad tries one final time to annoy the Bumpus family and ends up annoying only the neighbors, who proceed to tell him the Bumpus family already moved out. The cop who responds to the disturbance is the one from the Chicago Exposition. The neighbors want to get rid of the Parkers

On their last fishing trip, Ralphie, his Dad and the others have better luck. it is actually Ralphie who catches numerous fish, and the family gets to eat them. Randy wanted to fish too and he catches the goldfish Geppetto from the aquarium then demands to eat the goldfish. Dad secretly puts the goldfish back and gives Randy part of one of Ralphie's fish. The friends tell an offensive story with bothers Mom.

Adult Ralphie ends the movie saying it was the best summer ever.