A bogus legionnaire proves his mettle during an Arab attack.
Bertram Oliphant West (also known as Bo West) wants to clear his unjustly smeared reputation. He joins the Foreign Legion, with Simpson his manservant in tow. But the fort they get posted to is full of eccentric legionnaires, and there is trouble brewing with the locals too. Unbeknown to Bo, his lady love has followed him in disguise...—Simon N. McIntosh-Smith <[email protected]>
Bagshaw had accused Bo of deliberately tripping him while taking a run during a game of cricket. Bagshaw's run-out was humiliating to him, as the match was being watched by Jane. Jane believes Bagshaw, and Bo is kicked out of the cricket club.His reputation brought into disrepute by Captain Bagshaw (Peter Gilmore), a competitor for the affections of Lady Jane Ponsonby (Angela Douglas), Bertram Oliphant (Jim dale) West a.k.a. "Bo" decides to leave England and join the French Foreign Legion, followed by his faithful manservant Simpson (Peter ButterWorth).
In Sidi Bel Abbes, the pair reach the local cafe with the female owner, ZigZig (Joan Sims).Simmons peeks into her private cabins and sees a person lying in her bed. ZigZig tells Bo and Simmons how to enlist in the foreign legion.The legion also has Commandant Burger , Captain Le Pice (Charles Hawtrey), Corporal Clotski (John Bluthal). The legion has received several threatening messages from Sheikh Abdul Abulbul.Burger believes Bo & Simpson to be English spies as Bo cannot explain why he would want to join the Foreign Legion (gentlemen don't join the legion), and keeps them under close observation.
The guy in the bed was Sergeant Knocker (Phil Shivers), who returns to the fort and claims to the Commandant that he was on patrol and killed 53 enemy soldiers. Knocker is decorated for his bravery.Knocker observes that Bo has Simmons do all the errands for him, including running his bath and dressing him. Soon, they are buried neck deep in sand, when they are late for the morning parade.Bo and Simmons realize that Knocker is the same guy they saw at the cafe with ZigZig, even though he claimed that he was coming back from patrol. The duo threatens Knockers with reporting to the Commandant about Knocker's truth. Knockers changes his tone and takes real good care of Bo. Breakfast in bed, excused from all parades, a proper bath tub (stolen from Burger) and so on.
Meanwhile Lady Jane, having learned that Bo was really innocent (Bagshaw admitted he was lying when he heard that Bo joined the foreign legion, and tried to commit suicide), heads out to the Sahara to bring him back to England. Along the way she has several encounters with men who exploit the fact that she is naive and travelling alone.After several such run-ins, including with the Legion fort's Commandant Burger (Kenneth Williams) (who incidentally once was her fencing teacher and joined the Legion in self-imposed shame after he had inadvertently cut her finger during a lesson). Burger guides Jane to the Cafe, but Bo had just left. Bo and Knocker have caught the eye of Abulbul, who asks belly dancer Cork Tip to lure them both to her home.Meanwhile, Jane meets Sheikh Abdul Abulbul (Bernard Bresslaw) and ends up becoming a part of his harem and planned 13th wife.
Knocker and Bo are kidnapped by Abulbul after being lured to the home of Cork Tip (Anita Harris), a belly dancer at the Cafe ZigZig. Simpson follows them to the Oasis El Nooki but is also captured. After entering Abulbul's harem and discovering Lady Jane, Bo and Simpson give themselves up while Knocker escapes (or rather is allowed to by Abulbul) back to Sidi Bel Abbes to warn Commandant Burger of Abulbul's plans to attack Fort Zuassantneuf.
However, during this time ZigZig has told the Commandant about Knocker's true destination when on patrol and therefore upon his return his story is not believed. It is only when Knocker mentions Lady Jane that they realize he was telling the truth and the Commandant organizes a force to reinforce the fort.
Along the way they discover Bo and Simpson staked to the ground at the now abandoned oasis. The relief column marches on towards the fort but heat, lack of water and a sandcastle building competition gone wrong decimates the force to a handful. The remaining members reach the fort to find that they are too late; the attack has already occurred, and the garrison wiped out.
After learning that Abulbul's celebration of the successful attack includes marrying Lady Jane, Bo, Burger, Knocker and Simpson rescue her from his tent, leaving Simpson behind dressed as a decoy. When Abulbul discovers the deception, he chases Simpson back to the fort where, through the imaginative use of a gramophone and a German folk-song, gum Arabic, coconuts, gunpowder and a cricket bat, the group holds off Abulbul's army until a relief force arrives. The gramophones create an illusion that the relief forced had arrived much before it actually did, and held Abulbul from attacking full on. The gum Arabic is sticky and stops the attack in its track, as the defenders had laid it out in the attackers path.However, Commandant Burger ends up as a (and the sole) casualty among the protagonists.Jane tells Bo that his name is cleared in England, which means he can return home.
Back in England the group reunites for a game of cricket, with Knocker having been promoted to Commandant and Lady Jane having conceived a son by the late Burger. Bo is batting but when he hits the ball it explodes. The bowler is then shown to be Abulbul having gained his revenge, to which Bo, with a broken bat and burnt clothes, and with a good nature responds "Not out!"
