- Kelly Galindo
- Chairperson, Malibu Vampires, Inc.
- Christina Walker
- Vice-President, Vampire Affairs
- Mimi Spivak
- Vampire In Charge of Federal Budget
- Marcus Frishman
- Congressman Terry Upstart
- Rod Sweitzer
- Colonel Oliver West
- Gretchen House
- Pammy Faye Fakker
- Francis Creighton
- Rev. Fakker
- Anet Anatelle
- Wannabe Cher
- Cherie Romans
- Girl Who Failed Her S.A.T.
- Yvette Buchanan
- Rocket Scientist
- Jeannie Pepper
- Brain Surgeon
- Becky LeBeau
- Census Taker
- Angelyne
- Barbara Bush Impersonator
- Titus Moede
- (as Titus Moody)
