- Ben Affleck
- Self
- Yasser Arafat
- Self
- Lance Armstrong
- Self
- Sybil Azur
- Opening Number Dancer
- Charles Barkley
- Self
- Paul Begala
- Self
- Owen Burke
- Man
- Jenna Bush Hager
- Self
- Barbara Bush
- Self
- George W. Bush
- Self
- Laura Bush
- Self
- Fidel Castro
- Self
- Dick Cheney
- Self
- Bill Clinton
- Self
- Anderson Cooper
- Self
- David Cross
- Self
- Macaulay Culkin
- Self
- Johnny Damon
- Self
- Andy Dick
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- Patron
- Karen Elmore
- Opening Number Dancer
- Bill Engvall
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- John Ennis
- Bar Patron
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- Date
- Staci B. Flood
- Opening Number Dancer
- Zach Galifianakis
- Jesus
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- Self
- Kathy Griffin
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- Jackie Harris Greenberg
- Wife
- Brianna Haynes
- Dancer
- Teresa Heinz Kerry
- Self
- Paris Hilton
- Self
- Arianna Huffington
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- D.L. Hughley
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- Janet Jackson
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- Michael Jackson
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- Elton John
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- Jay Johnston
- Pervert
- John Kerry
- Self
- Denis Leary
- Self
- Jim Lehrer
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- Jennifer Lopez
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- Courtney Love
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- Norm MacDonald
- Self
- Michael Moore
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- Oscar Nuñez
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- Bill O'Reilly
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- Ashley Olsen
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- Mary-Kate Olsen
- Self
- Eddie Pepitone
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- Colin Quinn
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- Jonah Ray
- T-Shirt Guy
- Jeff Richards
- Bill O'Reilly
- Nicole Richie
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- Donald Rumsfeld
- Self
- Jeremy Schwartz
- Announcer
- Arnold Schwarzenegger
- Self
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- Brendon Small
- Red Sox Fan
- Snoop Dogg
- Self
- Jon Stewart
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- Martha Stewart
- Self
- Tasha Tae
- Opening Number Dancer
- Paul F. Tompkins
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- Donald Trump
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- Matt Walsh
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- Pharrell Williams
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- Stacey Woods
- Telephone Operator
- Max Wright
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- Hayley Zelniker
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- Omarosa Manigault Newman
- Self
- Ralph Nader
- Self
- Tara Reid
- Self
- William Shatner
- Self
- Anna Nicole Smith
- Self
- Morgan Spurlock
- Self
- Angie Stone
- Self
