The Suitors

Besides protection from bullets and schrapnel, a soldier's helmet has many other useful purposes on the war front. An American soldier who who served as a tank commander under General George Patton tells of everyday uses of his helmet.

During World War I, Herr Dresser, a German-American professor from West Hoboken, New Jersey, invents a "mustache fixer," which stiffens the whiskers, making the wearer look very fierce. Much to the consternation of Dresser's daughter Elsie, a patriotic American, Kaiser Wilhelm calls them to Berlin to begin mass production of the tonic for the German army. Elsie's boyfriend, Teddy Swift, is particularly disturbed by this turn of events and decides to earn enough money to follow her to Germany. When the United States joins the war, Teddy is among the first to enlist, and soon he finds himself in Berlin trying to help Elsie escape from prison. After several narrow escapes, the two make their way to the mustache factory and blow it up. Brought before the Kaiser, they are rescued when American troops storm the palace, and the Kaiser loses his mustache and the war.

An ace pilot falls in love with French girl who is denounced by his commanding officer as a notorious cabaret dancer.

Ah, finally. The world lies in ruins, and the time has come to rebuild it. Of course, it would be much easier if the last survivors weren't complete dimwits.