Michael and Zaria pretend to want a tattoo and a nose ring, hoping to con their parents into letting them get a car. Robert can't rid his mind of images conjured up by elderly Mrs. Wilcox's request for advice on sex.
Nicholas conceals the escape of his pet snake, leading Jerri to think she's killed it through neglect. Robert's efforts to break up Zaria's date with a shallow boy gets him in trouble with Jerri.
Robert bets Michael he can work beside him at the pizza parlor, unaware the manager once flunked Robert's class. Zaria uses Nicholas as a diet incentive--each time she overeats, he gets a look at her diary.
Robert's plan to spring an anniversary surprise on Jerri is ruined by a surprise blizzard; Zaria forces deadbeat Nicholas to do humiliating household tasks.
Robert and his family are having his famous colleague, Professor Houchins, over to dinner to celebrate the publication of his bestselling book on intelligence. However, fearing that the notoriously snobby Houchins might see him and his family as nonintellectuals, Robert gets everyone to pretend to be as smug, overtly smart, and classy as possible, but the real challenge is the dinner itself since it's Zaria's turn to cook.
